Speak Up

I knew I had to stop using but I just couldn't. I started going to meetings but then that stopped. The first time I tried to quit, I quit for 1 day and then went back. 3 days and then went back. 1 week and then went back. 2 weeks and then went back. 1 month and then went back. After repeating this vicious cycle over and over again, I stared to lose to hope. I thought the only way out was to kill myself. I repeatedly injected air into my neck with a syringe, nothing happened. Our roommate was diabetic. I went into the fridge and took two vials of insulin back to my room. I injected both vials into my stomach. I had over 100 little wholes in my stomach. I fell asleep. I woke up later that night and my vision was blurred, I saw spots, I tried to get out of bed but fell. I stumbled into the kitchen falling over and grabbed a gallon of orange juice and drank the whole thing. I fell back to sleep. The next morning my (current but not at the time) husband, found me unconscious. He called 911. When I arrived at the hospital my blood sugar was at 22. The doctors could not believe it. They said it was miracle I made it through the night. Only thing they could figure out was that the orange juice held me over. I finally quit and things were getting better until I became pregnant with our first daughter. He was still using and refused to quit. I did not want my daughter around that horrible drug so I left. I spent my entire pregnancy in a home for pregnant women in crisis. A week after our daughter was born he kept calling me. I did not answer or return his calls. I was so damaged. One night I decided to return his call. He told me had changed and begged me to give him a second chance. I loved him, so I did. That was three years ago. I have been clean going on 4 years In April. He has been clean going on 3 years in December. We have two beautiful girls. We moved far far away from California. He is now a maintenance engineer. I got my GED and am in college and work two jobs. We live such completely different lives now. Our children saved us. My husband is the most loving man, husband, and father. He told me he would spend the rest of his life making up for all the pain he caused me in the past and that is what he’s doing. That monster he had become was not really him, it was meth. We walked through an eye of a needle. We did the unimaginable. You too can do it! You just need the help, support, and will power. Reach out! Don’t ever give up. NEVER! God can help you do incredible things.