Speak Up

My name is Aspen. I'm 17 years old and I cant get through a day without getting high. I started using a year and a half ago, and since then its only gotten worse. My use has escalated from just doing some here and there to the point where I cant even get out of bed without it. I moved out of my moms house 4 months ago and I’m living with my boyfriend in my hometown which is well known for its bad reputation. I’am alone all day while my boyfriend is at school. He doesn’t let me leave so I stay at home cleaning and getting ready for him and thats about it. His sister had a baby about a month ago so shes back using again. She tweaks every day now so I usually take some from her. I’ve almost lost my boyfriend so many times because of my using. I know if he found out he’d be so hurt and probably leave me, he already has his suspicions. I dont know what to do, I feel so alone and trapped and I have no one to help me through this journey of sobriety. I can’t talk to my Mom about it she doesnt care and I dont even talk to my Dad. I don’t hang out with anyone unless they’re using. Smoking hasnt been enough for me lately so I’ve been looking for needles to get high. This is getting out of control. I’m not trying to be cocky but I’m a beautiful girl and this is seriously just destroying me. My hair is dry and I can’t do anything with it because its dead. I’ve lost my good figure that my boyfriend loved and now there’s nothing to look at really. When I first started using I weighed like 160 or 150 and now I only weigh 115 pounds. I have developed an eating disorder, I’m always depressed and I keep trying to sell our things just so I can get more, I’m risking losing the only person I’ve ever truely loved and I’m battling with wanting to be sober and just not caring at all. Everything is so messed up and I’m not strong enough to stop doing this by myself. Will someone please... anyone... let me know if theres still hope for me..... I’m drowning...