Speak Up

Today I am clean and I never knew how much I could, or would allow myself to love me. Within a matter of days I lost 20 lbs and Meth took it from me. I did not start using Meth slowly, I went straight for the most hateful side of it and put a needle in my arm. Thinking back on it now, the physical effects it had on me, I now know were the ever so steep steps I was taking to death. The almost instant change in vision, and that cough, oh that cough. My heart jumps beats everytime I think of it as I know it forces my anxiety to almost to jump damn near off the charts. My story is similar to most, and though I was jerked, literally jerked out of my addiction and out of my use, I still made a decision not to use...ever again. I do not fear the temptation not even a little, not even at all. What I do fear is that someone close to me will be effected in a way that I cannot prevent. There is an epidemic in my area of this drug and I have a true desire to help in any way I can to slow its movement. I have very young children and I know that drugs is a rock hard reality and I fear for them. Hell, Im guilty of bringing it closer to them than would have been possible otherwise and I hate my actions and what I have done. I have not seen them in 4 weeks and I have to own my responsibility for that. It is hard for me to discuss details of my use because of embarrassment and absolute discust for what I have done, but I know that my will to survive this and other addictions I have had, will one day prove to be a saving grace for someone else. I love my life, and I have a genuine love for other addicts. We have a choice everyday. I choose to be loved, and to love back.