Speak Up

My name is Elisabeth, and this is my story. Methamphetamine destroyed me from the inside out. I became addicted to it when I was 16 years old. As much as meth was the source of my joy, it was also the cause of my pain. Never before had I felt such a desperation for something. I started by smoking it in a pipe, large amounts, going through about 1 gram a night. Barely being able to speak or breath the next day. It damanged my body and I now have permenant lung damage from smoking meth. I eventually started injecting the drug, which became a whole new addiction in itself, I lost everything, my friends, my family, my health, and eventually was kicked out of my home. I didn't care about anything, except getting high, it was the only thing that took away my pain. My health was decaying dramatically, I developed serious breathing problems and cardiovasculaur damage. But that didn't stop me. I didn't care. I lost my will to live and my life revolved around shooting up meth. I didn't care if I died, and I came close to it many times. I promised so many times to my family and myself that I would stop. Everytime I did it, I would always tell myself this is the last time. Every.time. I would do anything for my fix. I did some things that I am so ashamed of that I can't even admit to myself. It was all in the desperation to get high, to feel that rush of IV meth. To escape reality and the pain I was going through. I would stay up for 2-4 days, no sleep, no food. Going through about 20 needles in a night. My arms covered with track marks. I couldn't get enough. It was never enough. I always wanted more. And once the baggie was empty, the complete and utter dread would set in, and I would be right to it figuring out how to get more. My life became such a mess and I always found myself in danger. One of my main suppliers was an older man, who was giving me large amounts of the drug (ounces). He was emotionally manipulative and sexually assaulted, harrassed and abused me for a long time. I started becoming really sick and throwing up all the time, heart problems, chest pains, hypothermia, and getting the terrible psychosis of meth bugs. When I was high and had been up for a few days, I would start to feel bugs crawling on my skin. I scratched at my legs so much that the doctors had to give me anti-biotics. I started using more and more, the only time I ever felt good was when I was high. I lost everything I had to live for, and so meth became my life, my everything, my best friend. It took away my pain but caused me so much more. I couldn't control it anymore. It changed my personality and changed who I was. I kept going into detox but would always quit after a few days and relapse. It took me a lot of trying to get off this drug. I finally did, after a 7 day detox stay, and haven't used sense. Its been 76 days. But it still haunts me. How much of my life I lost to this drug. The damage it did to my health and mind. Theres something about crystal that makes you want to go to a really dark place. It ruined so much of my life. It's really sad what this drug does to you. I had to rebuild my life from rock bottom. I think meth is the most destructive and damaging drug to the body and mind. I lost everything to this drug. This is the worlds worst drug. I am filled with regret and guilt for ever using this drug and what it turned me into.