Speak Up

In the last few weeks in Aug. 2009 I was with my best friend for two years and we were drinking, we went outside to smoke a cigarette she started asking me if i was interested in trying something new she explained it to be like an energy pill but you smoke it, I asked her what it was she told me crank i asked her if i would get addicted to it and she told me no. so me having an open mind looking for some fun i agree to try this stuff. well they didnt have alot but i felt a little rush and all was well. then a few days later were drinking and i offer to buy more so we could all feel it like were supposed to that night my heart was beating so fast i wanted to just do things but i was too shaky to move so it became a once every two weeks when i got paid that i would smoke this stuff and just have fun and not have a care in the world. and i still didnt know what i was smoking, about four months later i meet this guy he was a shooter i never wanted to inject but i asked him what is this cuz i knew he would tell me strait up and he told crystal meth and of course by that time i was already addicted so i told myself really this is not that bad well i then got a boyfriend moved him into my house we smoked a good 3-5 times a day, he lost his job and it drove me nuts because he wasnt helping with the bills so i walked out on my job that i had for 5 years like it meant nothing to me. i then started help ppl sell gave them rides and started smoking 5-8 times a day i hated going to sleep the most i stayed up about 2 1/2 weeks before someone made me sleep because i was out of my mind. my boyfriend and i started fighting really bad he beat me but i beat him back cuz i couldnt feel the pain i cheated on him with the main drug dealer we broke up and i lost it i didnt care anymore i slept with whoever whenever it didnt matter i lost my kids before i quit my job there dad took them and kept them from me i was also on probation and i ran i didnt care finally after almost a year of using my ex-boyfriend who was clean cuz he was in jail for awhile and had to stay clean because he was on fellony probation gave me the option to either stay an sell myself for drugs or go with him and get clean i chose to go with him after a week being with him i left cuz it wasnt where i needed to be i went an stayed with a good friend who let me sober up that was the best choice i ever made and i am a fighter and i started fighting for my life for my boys i have been clean and sober for almost two years now and i am going to school to be a drug and alcohol counsler i want to help people see they can make their life better for themselves it all feels like a distant dream like it doesnt feel real but i know it happened while cleaning up my mind would drift off to think of it and it would get my heart pumping then i would close my eyes as tight as i could and shake my head cuz i dont want to think of it. i cry when i read stories because i know their pain i would have to cover the mirrors in the house cuz i did not like what i saw i wanted to kill myself so many times if by reading this can help you make the choice to not even once at all to stay above the influence i really hope this can reach out and you learn something its not a wonderful to live it crushes everything you ever worked for you loose people who you have loved your whole life because they dont trust you anymore lets all make a difference and say no because it isnt worth it to say yes. i hope i could help you by making your choice to stay away take care and dont forget it it is very real that makes you crazy to this day i still have trumas that i have to deal with that are in my mind i get anxety really bad and i feel like if i have never done this i would have my full poetenal of life because its something i have to work on and its getting there but slowly because you dont just go back to who you were from before it takes time for that i am still going through that time and effort