Speak Up

to be an odd character, to wanna fit in, to be part of something,, to not wanna feel... all my reasons for a lost decade. . i seen it go from crystal to crank (all three base types) to m.d.a. to crystal then to ice. . i stayed on the road for a very long time and i loved every minute of it. . after i went from a rookie addict to a known connection. . i went from enguaged after a 6 yr relationship to sleeping with my bestfriends fiancee. i was godfather to his child... i went from well rounded with everything needed to be happy to a horrible person.. i went from a nice smile to meth mouth. . so far ive spent $3000 and im not yet done with the repair needed just to my teeth. . i had my friends that i did meth with since child hood. . the girls i was dateing after i got messed up werent the best . . i dated a girl that picked her eye brows till she had non and was bleeding.. i dated girls that spent hours pulling on their cuticles until fingers bled.. ive been clean for 5 yrs . in order to get clean i had to leave. . i left the drugs and everyone i knew. they werent able to change and i needed to. . at the last part of that section of my life i had nothing. no job , obviously my friends didnt trust me and of course no fiancee.. now im in college havnt done meth in 5 yrs havnt smoked a cigarette in 3 yrs. but i still have no friends cause im afraid my choice in friends will take me back to a bad habit. like i said i loved the ride. going on missions looking for tina. so maybe im still an addict. i just havnt put myself in a position to where i had to say no.. but i do talk to ppl that are having trbl with it... its hard to quit alone , i know i did it. . i talked to a cple ppl that wanted to help me quit but didnt know what they were talking about. its hard to listen to someone that has no idea what its like.. if you took time to read this . thank you. . if you are trying to quit but having trouble finding a good enough reason to get rid of something you enjoy so much.. try going as long as you can without it. get cleaned up. and go out. . even if by yourself.. go have a good meal ,sit at the bar. try fitting in with the environment without being uncomfortable.. even if your only there 15 minutes look around at the ppl that do this day to day.. and then think about the living room or bedroom you would be sitting in for hrs if not days.. find somewhere better than sitting in a house or car for hrs.. what im suggesting is just try to change your habbits 15 minutes at a time . it doesnt have to be all at once. good luck