Speak Up

I am a former meth and drug addict. For over 5 years I was addicted to anything that would get me high, but especially speed. Meth was the first drug (other than pot) that I ever tried, at age 19. I was immediately hooked on the high. At first I was just doing it once or twice a week, a line or two at a time, but then I started buying my own and got way more into it. After about 6 months not a day went by that I wasn't high on something, and I would stay up for 3-6 days at a time, mostly because I dreaded the crash so much. I started doing anything I could get, just so I didn't have to be sober and realize how shitty and pointless my life had become. I was destroying my family and my true friendships, but I couldn't have cared less. I stole from people who loved me, slept with many people I never would have if I was sober, and did countless other things that I hope to never have to share. After about 3 years of living that way, I was introduced to shooting up. I started shooting up anything I could melt down, but especially meth and cocaine. I still have track marks, and I've been clean now for over 5 years. It's something that other people will always be able to see. Getting blood drawn is one of the most embarrassing things for me now, I always feel like I have to explain myself. During the 5 year period of using, I was also self-mutilating - cutting and burning myself to lessen the pain. I ended up in the ER when I was 20 because I cut so deep that I could see my muscle, and had to get 24 stitches on the inside of my left forearm. More scars for everyone to see. I was "held" over the weekend in a psychiatric facility because they thought I was suicidal - I think those may have been 3 of the worst days of my entire life. I have done almost every drug there is, and I can say that without a doubt in my mind, meth is the absolute worst. It makes you feel amazing when you first do it, and all you can think about is wanting more when that rush goes away. I lost 5 years of my life to people who treated me like shit, used me, raped me, stole from me, pretended to care about me, and left me when I needed help the most. I lost 5 years of time with my family, of their trust, of enjoying life, of taking care of my body, of learning to love and care for others - for what? My own ignorance and stupidity. My happy ending is that when I was 24 I found out I was pregnant, and quit everything cold turkey - drinking, smoking, drugs, self-mutilation, and all of my "friends." I got sober and decided to go back to college so I could take care of my baby. I worked harder than I ever had in my life for my degree, and I am now a Registered Nurse with hospice and absolutely love it. I get to help people make the most of their final months of life, and actually get to make a difference. My daughter is happy and healthy, and I have an absolutely amazing husband as of Feb. 2011. I am one of the few lucky ones. I can say without a doubt in my mind that I have WON. I beat my addiction, but I did it with a lot of help. My family, the few real friends I had left, and whatever higher power there is out there. I get physically sick if I see people on TV doing meth, and if I taste anything that remotely reminds me of smoking or snorting meth. I want to get my story out there to tell people that while I did beat it, most people don't. I run into people from my past occasionally who look 15 years older than they did 5 years ago because they can't quit. Who have teeth that are rotting out of their heads. Who are literally crazy because they have fried their brains beyond repair. I want the real story of meth to get out there to everyone, so that you can all know what the true risks are. There is no high that is worth your life, your sanity, or your health. Meth is not one of those drugs that you can do every once in a while - if you never try it, you never risk it. Thanks for reading :)