Speak Up

the first time I used meth I was almost 25 yrs old married to a great man and had 2 wonderful children. It started out as a way for my husband and I to talk to each about things without getting into a fight as long as we were high neither of us got mad about what the other had to say. At first we didn't use all the time but we had a friend that was selling it so our addiction began to increase because it was free, I think what i liked about it the most was being numb nothing bothered me and life seemed good. After a while we stopped using but not for long our friend went to jail so we found a new supplier for awhile even got the recipe at one point but never tryed to make it. This time our addiction was worse we used almost daily and faught all the time if we weren't high. Eventually I got tired of being ripped of by people and decided to start selling everything was great at first I had plenty of money to pay bills with and buy my kids watever they wanted as long as they weren't in my hair any longer than necessary to get their homework done or eat or bath before bed. I thought things were going great for me and my husband at first but our fights became more frequent and violent affairs started we lied to eachother about the simplest things and everything as always resolved by doing a line a hot rail or smoking a bowl, it was like our magic cure for everything. Then on Oct 16,2009 drug Task Force raided our house I had only 5.3 grams left thank god or i would have been trafficing instead of intent to dist. I was so pissed I knew someone snitched but when I had to look at my boys and the confusion on theeir faces it didn't matter who did what until that point I never realized how much I hurt them. On Aug 12,2010 I was sentenced to a program called RSAT at Lee arrendale state prison for 6 months with a 7 month wait in the county jail. I faught the program at fisrt insisting I didn't have a problem because I would rather sel than get high but I soon realized I was wrong and I did have a problem while I was there I took a hard look in the mirror and decided that wasn't the person I wanted to be and learned the tools I needed to have a sober life. I was released on Sept 15,2011 all together I lost 13 months and 3 days of my life and i'll never get that time back but I also got a second chance to get things right and be a better mother wife and daughter the one I started out to be 31 yrs ago, I hae 2 yrs clean now but everyday is still a stuggle but I believe in myself now and know there is a better way of life if you really want it. Now my goal is to become an addiction couselor to help other break the cycle of addiction, it is possible but you have to take it one day at a time one minute at a time,