Speak Up

Im 23yrs old. My parents never married. Im an only child. Wen I was 2 yrs old they separated. Strugglin the whole time 2gether b/c My dad was sober & My mom wasnt. Even wile she was pregnant w/ Me she used for 4 mths of the pregnancy. My mom bein an addict & not allowin My dad in My life unless he also wanted 2 b w/ her made My life chaotic. Wen I lived w/ My mom it was hard b/c she was very sick, so I took care of us from age 7. She had bipolar disorder, hep c, asthma, diabetes, a hoarding problem, & arthritis. She took meds 4 all that on top of IV drug use of cocaine & meth, also smokin those, pain pills, alcohol, & smokin weed. I stayed w/ my grandparents on & off until I was 9 b/c My mom was in & out of jail. At age 9 My dad got custody of Me b/c I admitted 2 a therapist that I had been molested for 1yr by My cousin who was 14yrs old wen I was 8yrs old. I continued therapy 4 the rape & 4 the trauma. Livin w/ My dad was a blessin but, not easy, Since I had been the 1 makin the rules 4 myself. He has always been very protective of Me. At age 9 I started smokin weed regularly, sayin I wont try other drugs. I met alot of ppl I considered friends who used different drugs. The next drug I did was cocaine, but the effects werent long enuff. By age 15 I had tried many drugs includin weed, cocaine, xtc, pain pills, alcohol, shrooms, pcp, ghb, ketamine, meth, mescaline, peyote, eludes, foxy, & other drugs. I started usin meth regularly at age 14 for 5.5 yrs all 2gether. I was always open 2 experimentin w/ anythin that numbed the emotions I didnt want 2 feel or help me escape. A pattern I had learned so well from My mom. My mom & I started usin drugs 2gether, mainly meth. I never used drugs IV tho. I never had 2 sell My body 4 drugs, but the hustle wasnt hard. I did everythin from date big time dealers, boost from stores, pimp girls out, cook meth, sell drugs, steal cars, fight people & wat seemed like bliss the drug life offered. I met many ppl who were in the drug game. Wantin 2 escape from the trauma & abuse seemed 2 come easier than sobriety. Still livin w/ My dad durin My drug use & tryin 2 b there 4 My mom was very hard. I argued w/ my dad alot, lied, was very abusive in many ways, & very deceitful. He stayed by My side tho. At age 17 I lost My mom, weighin 75lbs. at age 47. Wen I was 19 I met a guy named Mike whos family was drug cartel & mexican mafia. The heaviest of My drug use began wen we started datin. Not knowing how this wuld change My life in a few months. We cooked meth every day, which was nothin new 2 me, since I had seen My mom do it plenty of times. We lived a great life or so I thot. The money was good & we were never short of drugs.The nite that changed My life started out like this. We had a goin away party 4 a friend. At the time I had been sober for 3 days wantin 2 stay clean 4 Mikes son. At the party a friend (Logan) of ours showed up very drunk & gettin touchy w/ women there. We finally made him leave after he was angry. My friend at the time Keisha wanted 2 go make things right w/ her x Logan. So we decided 2 go talk 2 him at the park. We tried talkin 2 him, but he became violent. We all fought. Mike was callin My fone, but bein choked & unconcious didnt allow Me 2 answer the fone. His friend rob called My fone & I finally picked up. He said r u alrite & I Sed no cryin & gaspin 4 breath. Mike & Rob showed up at the park. Keisha got in the car & I followed as Mike got out. We heard a loud thud & thot Mike punched Logan, but he had stabbed him. It hit an artery 2 the heart & he died. I spent time in jail, received a felony, 6yrs probation & more 4 lyin. Now I hav a good job, My own place, a good support system, a good relationship, I think differently, I go 2 therapy & apply myself, I write a lot, make music & more. I hav 4yrs clean off drugs,1.5yrs clean off alcohol. I continue 2 strive 4 happiness w/out negativity. Ive gained a lot thru Sobriety! http://www.dailycamera.com/ongoing-coverage/ci_13128005