Speak Up

Maybe 4000 characters makes me feel I am in a match box,because my words are more than this, so i have to shorten my statement. i know you figured out that i am not american, or good in speaking english, because my english is terrible and dont ask me to tell you about my accent. yea. im vahid from iran, the center of everything, in appearance you cant see any smuggler , or variety of drugs, but if you and me are here, so both know the truth is anything else, i remember the days before, when i was handsome, happy, courageous, sometimes i hope someone come from the rusty door and pick up that parts of memory that control remembering, lets be a little closer, i couldnt succeed to go to university, why because of lack problem solver (money). hey.... im not telling you the grandmother's story, im trying to prepare you to feel at least 0.9999 percent of my misery. perhaps i havent been so honest during my life, so take it as a chance to touch my real life, anyway , my friends were busy chatting in facebook, making girls satisfied with their dady's car, but as far as i remember i havent been like them at all, i like to practise boxing, going ski with my brother , try to be the first person in our classroom like a brilliant , shiny diamond that everyone want to touch it and talk about it. after my dad died i had to go to work (it was not my favorite), as a errand boy, (footboy). but after 2 month i realised that i am not that kind of person who can works in that nonsensical place, i started taking off in my life when i found a job matched to my talent, ....gilding... made me rich, well known, and in one word : this job led me to everything that i really loved? 1) i love to pay the bread baker in the morning (5:00) and ask him to give people bread freely. 2) go to poor state like (VARAMIN) ( DONT bother yourself to read that name, me myself hardly can ) and asked people what can i do to make you a better life 3) what ? im talking too much irrelevant ? -as you wish. after two year in compulsory military service i came back with a gift ( ability to pour meth into pipe profesionally and make it ready as soon as possible) at first downloading tiesto songs , listen with high volume in my old speaker ( it was the last thing that i sold to prepare money) all night , it didnt mak any difference for me the time, the last thing that i was thinking, being day or night, i owed 40000 tomans ( in new dollar price in iran = 10 dollars) to a meth seller, he was knocking the door and try to break , in other side i was here sitting on the moon and commanding stars. if i kew that he will kill me , i swear i would open it , but i knew that he wanted to hit me to dead. breaking my thorax from on side and lack of drug in another side made me think that its not very very bad to sell the marjan's house furnitures , i will buy her a better one in the future, now she is not home and its the best moment to move.( marjan was the only girl that gave me shelter just because of what i was before my addiction.) i said allah o akbar and started dealing with smuggler for the price, if you want details : i was a thin tree that sometimes shaking its head for confirming smuggler's price suggestions. dont think that i was proud in that moment there were a war between my heart which was saying ( dont do that---she was always compassionate with you) and my brain which was saying (dont be ashamed the only task that you have to do is to selling them and smoke the best meth , when you smoke enough the best idea will come without your interference). WELL ,,, YOU CAN GUESS WHICH ONE ALWAYS WIN.

IF YOU WANT TO READ THE REST OF MY STORY ,,, I WILL CREATE A NOTE WITH THE SAME NAME

repetitious man is starting to confess