Speak Up

My name is Kate, and I'm sharing my story out of concern for my "sister." I've know my best friend for 15 years. All through out middle school and high school, we always told people we were sisters and to this day, 15 years later, you would see why. Two years ago after I moved back to my hometown, I found out from her that she had dabbled with meth a few times. She kicked it though and was sober for a year. One night when we were hanging out, she wanted to go to this place called the "trap house." I didn't know what it was and decided to just go with. When we arrive I soon realize what this place was. A few minutes after being there she slipped out of my sight and into the bathroom with some other people. After they let me in with them, she tells me what's going on. I begged her not to do it but once she has something in mind, there is no going back. After one year of sobriety, I'm with her in a bathroom watching her get high again and not doing anything about it. I've never forgiven myself for it. Since then, her life has done a 180. She soon lost her job, has been sleeping different places (including a meth dealer for 8 months), become promiscuous, and hasn't had a job in 11 months. I've seen her use more times than I'd like to know. I know more people and more about the drug than I would prefer. She won't take help. If there's one person she would listen to, it would be me and she won't. She isn't the same. In the past few months I've distanced myself and I'm always worrying about her safety and well being, but I have no idea what to do anymore for her. My biggest fear is that if she doesn't get busted and go to jail first, it'll kill her. I always have a guilty conscience. I am so lost about all this. It stresses me out more than my own life stresses me out. I shouldn't have to worry like this because this never should've happened. I love her to death, I just pray that she finds herself again and can realize what she's doing to herself.