Speak Up

Why do you do this to me? I love you Dylan, that’s why I am always there for you when you get yourself into some shit but you are tearing me ragged. When we first got together around this time last year I would have never thought we would still be this close. We only dated for like 3 months, but I loved you. I still do. When you first got into meth you were screwing your life up; you even went to jail for a while, but when you were getting into trouble, for stealing and fighting and everything, nobody was there for you, sadly not even your parents. I was though, and so was my freaking mom. I had dated you, I loved you and seeing you disintegrate was heart breaking and you would call me or come to my house looking for help or money or a ride or any little thing you needed, I helped you the best I could. You got outta jail, you were doing well and everybody told you so but you’re into meth again. I’m not mad at you and I am not going to try and tell you to stop. I mean fucking hell; I've smoked with you. It’s just now you know what you’re doing; you know how meth operates and what it does to you, your body and thinking, which is scary because you’re going harder than ever before. I don’t know if I can be your go to girl anymore. Of course I want to help you but you have no idea what goes through my mind or the worries, stress and sleepless nights I go through when you call me, tweaking asking for my help. You've done me terribly wrong, and have gotten me into trouble but I look pass that because I know you’re an addict and you’re unable to grasp what you are doing to yourself, me and everybody. I just can’t allow you to make me feel this way anymore, I am obviously not helping you if you call me two days later with no ride or money again, if anything I am enabling you.You're pushing everyone away and you don't even realize it. It saddens me to even think of you being out of my life, but if I don't want an addiction of my own I have to remove myself and stop letting you have power of my life, emotions, and thoughts. I would love to hear others advice, strength, hope, and wisdom on how I could possibly go about this.