Speak Up

I'm Parker a 19 year old male who's currently trapped by this Deman called meth. I've been to 2 treatment centers but not for meth. I moved in with a freind while holding 8 months sobriety, within 45 minits of unpacking I had already smoked weed. It went down hill from there. August 14,2012 was the day to change my life forever I had tried crystal. Everything was beautiful and euphoric and just fell in love. I have done it everyday since while holding a lie of a life. Parents do everything to put me in a better position and think that I am doing great. I pay all my bills on time and maintain a fairly normal bluecollar life. At this point in time I'm disgusted with what I have created and choices I have made. Suicidal thoughts and tears are a daily occurrence. I have driven away countless freinds to keep them from seeing the real me and constantly lie whene ever family calls. I realize I have a choice and have picked up 42 desire chips with an honest willingness and want to do what ever is needed and then find myself twirling the pipe hours later. I feel trapped by my own self and it makes me feel helpless. I'm not losing anything I'm throwing it away and can't stop my health is getting bad (heart) but other than that haven't losses mass weight or gross teeth hell iv never been pulled over for a speeding ticket let alone arrested. I would not wish this addiction on my worst enemy and if I make it to recovery by the grace of my higher power I will make it my duty to help whoever is willing through a profession. Unfortunately suicide is seeming like my only way out): I'm so lost so beaten and so alone through this devilish synthetic narcotic and my choices. Outside of my family 6 people have seen me cry and I am bawling thought this whole message. The world is at my fingertips and this speedbumb is making it seem impossible to go on. I hope that this message may encourage or inspire someone to get help before it realy grabs you I feel there is hope and something lookin after me I just can't build myself up to it and it hasn't even been a year. Please pray for me as I pray for everyone who has Fallin into this pit of self destruction. Stay away from this the pain runs deep down farther than the high can bring you up. Peace , Parker S