Speak Up

My boyfriend and I have been together since we were fifteen. Now we are both 21 and he is a meth user. Four years back he was a frequent user, and he would lie to me about it. He would do it behind my back and would be MIA for weeks. He would not call me and I always wondered what was going on. At the time I did not know he was using.I should of know. He was really skinny, stayed up for days and was violent with me. Until 3 years later he went to jail for it. Four months in county, I assumed he would never do it again. They say never say never. When he got out he would talk about how beautiful life is without it and that he was done with it forever. Last year I noticed he would act differently sometimes. It was not every day, it was more like once a month that I noticed. I let it slide but I had a gut feeling he was doing Meth. I was right. A month ago I caught him in our room trying to get high. I was so hurt. I had so many emotions just rushing through my body, I felt like I was gonna explode! I could not believe it. After that he swore he would not ever do it again for the sake of our relationship. Well a few days ago he came home from work acting weird again. I knew he had done it but he would not admit to it. So I decided to get it out from him. I noticed he would stash things in his socks, so I made him take his socks and shoes off, sure enough there falls the pipe. Again all the hurt I felt the first time only twice as much. I was not surprised though. The only thing that ticks me off is him lying about it and doing it behind my back. I told him I would not leave him as long as he did not lie to me anymore. He said okay and by the look of his face I could tell he felt really bad. I come to wonder, why. Why is he doing this again. It is because we are surrounded by meth users. His whole family does it. His sister, brother in law, cousins, uncles and aunts. I was naive to think he would not do it again. I do not want to leave him, we have been through so much together and he makes me happy. He told me he only craves it every once in a while. Once a month or twice a month he would use it. Am I so stupid to stay with him? Deep down in my heart I hope that he will decide to stop. I am breaking up inside everyday knowing I have to put up with this because I Love him. If he does it every once in a while is that okay? Or should I leave and save the hurt that will be caused if he decides to do it more often?. I cry every night and I still can not figure out a way to help him. I pray to God to give me patience and strength to overcome this obstacle with him by my side.