Speak Up

When I was younger, my brother was someone I looked up to. He had a rough time growing up, but we didn't have a bad life by any means. Private schools, name brand clothes, nice home, loving mother. I never thought we would become that family. That family that cries and fights at night. The family who had to close their doors to a loved one. The family that had to battle with drugs. But...we did. My brother was 20 when he moved out. Good job and friendly roommate. It looked promising for him.

As a year or two went by, we began to see him less. Saw him for holidays and family get togethers. I thought it was just him growing up and being an adult. But then his looks started changing. He'd come home skinnier than the last visit. His hair was receding. Teeth were yellowing. I was 15 years old when I realized what was happening. He was on meth. He denied using drugs for a long time. I knew the truth. My mother refused to accept it. It was the summer of 2005 when our lives turned upside down.

My brother came home after a meth binge and admitted to his addiction. He wanted help. He wanted to quit. We helped him for a few months. But nothing seemed to work. Rehabs wouldn't take meth addicts because there was nothing they could do for them.They said it was a mental addiction, not physical. So for months he would be in rehab for 3 days to sober up, then gone for a week to dope up. I'll never forget the phone call I made to him when I saw he wasn't home. He was crying telling me how sorry he was, how empty he felt without it. He said he didn't feel alive without it. I couldn't stand it anymore. I punched a hole through the wall and fell to my knees sobbing, fearing my brother was going to die.

The final straw came in August. It was late one night when he came over. He was ranting and raving about needing a gun. He said the police were after him and wanted to use him. He said people were following him wanting to kill him...and that they'd kill us too. We had to vacate our house for several days. I was scared and frightened for us and for my brother. My mother turned to NA for help and advice. And it was the hardest thing we have ever done. We turned him away. My mother quit being an enabler. No more money. No more staying over. He couldn't be near us if he was doped up. Call us when you're sober. We quit hearing from him for a while. September came and went and by October, we thought we would be preparing for a funeral.

By this point he had been on meth for 5 years. My brother and his roommate were making, using, and distributing. One night they were out, doped up, and my brother began to lose his mind. His "best friend" left him at a conveinence store. The owner called the police and they were arresting him when he began to seize up. His kidneys began failing. They rushed him to the hospital. He was there for a week. During the time there, my mother sat by his side...she sat through every name, every curse, every tear, every spit. She never lost faith in him even though he tried to tear her down. The doctor threatened to have him arrested and warned him that his next use would be his last.

My brother has been clean for almost 8 years and now has a beautiful child and family. Our wounds have healed, though not forgotten. He is a part of that 1% now and for that, we couldn't be happier. Meth is a drug that turns our loved ones into monsters. BUT DO NOT LOSE HOPE. Things can get better. Things can change. It may get worse before it does...but our family survived, and yours can too. Sometimes we have to do the hard thing and let them decide to change themselves...but never go without letting them know you love them and you want them in your lives. Seek advice from Narcotics Anonymous. Talk to counselors. Talk to your loved ones. Be supportive and reach out to your community. Change can happen, and life can be restored. ENCOURAGE, HELP, & LOVE.