Speak Up

there are no words to describe the hurt that is on the outside looking in. this past year i found out my childs father is a user, for how long exactly ill never know bc he denies any wrong he does. i moved a couple years ago back to my home tristate and we went to court about visitation bc i was 3 hrs away... so when we could a few times a year when he shows interest i work with him for my daughters sake. shes 4 now, and as beautiful as can be. apparently he committed a felony 2 & 5 for stealing his sisters expensive belongings to pawn and get money.. after weeks of court dates, he was sentenced a month in jail and rehab, followed by 3 years probation. he didnt call fathers day and i knew something was up, once i seen WARRANT TO COMMIT on his public viewed docket i called his mother and she told me he stole for drug money and to my dismay it was for meth. ive heard about it on the news, but ive never been interested in the drug or the people who use it so i began to study it. i know hes probably been on it since at least 2011 and all i can think about now is did he have her around it? and with all the sideeffects, how was she treated, did he get messed up and touch my daughter inappropriatly, or let someone else drugged up around her? when he got out of rehab the first time they helped set him up with a job and after a year and a half of no child support i finally began to recieve it again. but quickly as it all came it went bye bye. he violated his probation via druguse, which he still wont say what they popped him on. now hes in rehab for 6 months at a place where they give him a legal drug to decrease withdraw side effects and anxiety. this is going to be a wreck bc most people ive read about or watched doing my research is addicted for years which comes along with multiple crimes and more jail/rehab time. i wanted a good father to my child. =( she was born 12 weeks early and fought for her life for months, its a blessing and a miracle that she is alive! i understand addiction, but damn why throw something like that away for ur own bullshit. people with addictions dont care whats goin on around them which in his case , hes destroying his daughter. im working on bachelors for psychology so ive been studying alot about the brain and drugs and what it does to kids when they grow up. i know she wants her daddy but he jus doesnt care, and that hurts. i wished he woulda never done that, because as a responsible parent i wont let her go near him until he gets his crap together, and stays clean for a good long while, with all communications open about what goes on in his life. its hard to get that trust back when you have dried your childs tears. i hope i can give her all the love and help she needs. i know most of the people who post have a story of their meth addiction and how it ruined their lives but mine comes from a different place that shows addicts how it hurts other people around them including their kids and as much as i dont care for my childs fathers' family i know it is hurting them all too. ppl need to get help before being turned on to the drug ~ watch what it does to all the people involved before u go and mess yourself up, get knowledge and pass it along to others. you cant control what others do but u can control what YOU DO!!! that is all , thank you im glad i could finally get this out there