Speak Up

Hi, I'm Dylan and I'm 17 years old. I have been struggling to stay sober from meth for about a year now, but it all started when I was about 11 years old and started realizing that my family is irregular. My mother, has 5 kids and I am the baby out of the family. She is my best friend and has always been there for me, so we tell each other our secrets and stories. My brother and I share the same father but the rest of my siblings have different dads. I realized that my whole family except my brother and 2 of my sisters, are all struggling with addiction of all types of drugs, but mostly meth. My mother and father has been meth addicts for more than 20 years and that's how they pretty much met. My father has been in and out of me and my brothers lives. Its like he couldn't stay out of prison for more than 2 years without going back. I honestly have no respect for him because he constantly lies and steals from me and my family when he can. What made me realize that my family was abnormal was when I was 11 my mom told me a story of when she was giving birth to me. While she was in labor my father was watching my brother which was two at the time and she said he was high as a kite. In the hospital, since he couldn't shoot up or smoke it, he put a full eight ball of meth inside of his coffee so he could stay awake. While he was being very irresponsible and stupid, my brother grabbed the cup of coffee and drank half of it, while he was two years old. This deeply disturbed me and probably haunted my brother for years. My mother told me numerous crazy stories about her and my fathers meth addiction lifestyle. Like how my dad would stay up for weeks on end and get so paranoid he would barricade himself in a closet and duck tape knives to his hands thinking it would keep him safe somehow. After I heard all of these, I vowed to myself that I would never try or even touch meth, but I was in for a big unforeseen disappointment. I first smoked weed when I was 8 years old, with one of my older sisters. This was the first time that I got introduced to any type of drug and I really enjoyed it. When people say that marijuana is gateway drug, I honestly think it depends on the age and situation, but in this case it was. Over the years I tried multiple types of drugs including pills, hallucinogens, and inhalants. Then, when I was about fifteen and a half, I tried meth for the first time with a really good friend, that I considered a brother to me for the longest time, but I refuse to even acknowledge his existence anymore because of the messed up things he has done. When I first tried it, I smoked it in a oil burner and it was so euphoric I can barely explain the feeling. I did it on and off for the next year and kept telling myself that I'm not addicted and I only do it every once in a while. Then when I was about 16 and a half and I found out that I just had a daughter. I had so much stress, hate and anxiety built up I started spinning out of control. I started smoking the drug daily and stealing from my family to get money so I could get more so I could at least project that I have a little bit of happiness inside my cold heart. So I have been using meth for the past 6-7 months pretty much daily. Now I've been sober for the past week and half, I just went cold turkey. The night terrors I have every night since I've been sober are unbearable. I even question my sanity almost everyday because of the crazy thoughts and dreams I have. Plus on the regular I get this feeling that I'm not loved and all hope is lost. I plan on NEVER using this drug again, But what do you expect being born and raised in Phoenix, Arizona or The city of the spun. Whoever reads this story of my struggle, I beg of you DO NOT TRY METH, NOT EVEN ONCE. It has ruined almost every person in my families life. Right now at this point I am trying to just make it through the day and find some one with a similar life story that I could speak to. Thank you for reading, and God Bless.