Speak Up

I did my first shot of meth in febuary and fell in love. My boyfriend had this girl over an she picked up at 80 and kept giving us fat shots. I didnt feel any different , just alive. We stayed up for a few days and when i went home i feel asleep and woke up fine. But after a few days i couldnt even move, i was coming down hard... So my boyfriend came over and we got on one and didnt sleep for another few days... I swear i never felt so good in my life! I never spent a dollar on the shit we were picking up and my boyfriend wasnt either this chick just kept on giving and giving, she would even hit me up. But my dad got sick so i left town for only a few months. The girl who kept supplying us left town too for a while as well. Well while i was out of town i missed my period and my boyfriend (whos alot older) begged me to keep it, if i was preganant. Sounded good cause he was abouy to get his ssi and a place (he was living in a shed type thing behind his grampas) so it was all falling into place. But on april 7th my man got shot. A girl shot him, im not sure who.... I think it was a drug deal gone bad. Right after i found out he passed i started bleeding,, but only ha a "period" for 2days and havmt had a period since. I dont know what to do. Im about to move back home but for what? My boyfriends dead, and all i think about is meth meth meth....., i can still hear his voice telling me he hated seeing a needle in my arm, but meth makes me numb to pain and keepse feeling aight. I dont wanna do a shot if im pregant so i been clean. Everyone around me is doped out on herion, so no money to see the doc. All i know is i lost to meth and my weakness is a time bomb i hope i can resist it but i know when i see crystal ill give in, its what makes me happy :(