Speak Up

I am 28 years old. I started using meth when I was 16. It started as weekend fun and went to having to smoke a bowl before waking up to go to school in the morning. One time use turned into 1 month of straight using smoking more to get higher. When I barely graduated school I met a man that had a job and smoked meth also. We started getting high together and doing whatever to get the next high. Him and I got married in 2004 in Reno. All of my family was there and we brought a couple of friends and smoked meth the whole time. I remember feeling sick at the wedding because I hadn't eaten in days. No one suspected anything. After the wedding we decided that dope wasn't our thing anymore. We quit. I had a hard time waking up and enjoying life. I ended up pregnant in April luckily we were not getting high anymore. The day I delivered my baby girl my husband was out all night getting high. He was late picking us up because he was getting high. When my daughter was 6 weeks old I stopped breastfeeding her because I wanted to get high. I started smoking meth again and this time life started spiraling out of control. We got evicted for failure to pay rent. I started going to other people houses to get high with them because my husband wouldn't work. I remember crying while smoking a bowl because I really did love my baby girl. Me and my husband split up in September 2006. I met a man that wanted to help me get clean. He was so good to me. I would disappear for weeks and come back to sleep. My daughter was always being dropped off with family. Her father was in and out of jail and prison. My boyfriend told me in December that if I wanted to get clean I needed to tell my family. I told my mom. She was so hurt, disgusted, and disappointed in me. That hurt. No one in my family has ever experienced the effects of drugs. I was trying to get clean but something always went wrong and I used that for an excuse to go get high. I attended the March against meth in March 2007. This speech made me cry. My daughter and my mom was there with me. I had support but I needed the push. My mom began the process of trying to take my daughter away from me. I had no record so nothing ever became of it. But it scared me. April 29, 2007 I smoked a bowl and I felt horrible. I started talking about it more. I was really trying. I didn't want this for my life or my daughter to grow up with an addict for a mother. I moved in with my mother.I started the slow process of healing the damage I have done to myself. I moved to Twin Falls with my sister and watched her twins so she could work. She paid my bills and gave me a life. I got pregnant in July with my little boy that was born in April 2008. I continued to live in Twin Falls. I got pregant again and had a little girl in June 2010. I wanted more for my kids. I want them to be proud of me and know they too can succeed. I enrolled in school. I am studying Human services with a focus in psychology. I want to help others realize they too have the potential to become something more. I have a 4.0 and will have my bachelors in 2 years. Life can be better. Don't let Meth win. If you are doing this drug, it gives you a high that you can do anything. The underlying truth is it is ruining your life in the end. Meth has an alterior motive and it is not to make you happy.