Speak Up

I remember I was dating this amazing guy. He was much older than I was, and I think that was one of the main reasons I was attracted to him. He always took me around his friends and told them how awesome I was. It felt so good. We would smoke weed all the time, and I really didn’t think it was a big deal. Maybe a little coke now and then, but nothing too crazy. One night he called me and asked me if I wanted to go to this party with him. I totally wanted to, so I got all dressed up and then he came and got me. The first thing I noticed was his eyes. They were huge. He was scratching himself everywhere, and he pulled over twice, and was incredibly turned on, so I would let him "do his thing." This time was different. He was powerful, and controlling. When it got to a point where I was in pain, I would tell him to calm down or stop, and he would start laughing hysterically. I didn't want to upset him anymore, so I just stopped talking. When we got to the "party," no one was there. I started to get nervous, but I remembered how he said he would always take care of me, and never put me in harm’s way. He kept that promise... until that night. He kept pulling on me and saying, "Come on, come on, I want you to try this." he pulled out a long glass pipe that was brown at the ends from the amount of times it was used. He then grabbed to little flaky crystals and dropped them in. He looked at me and said "I want you to fly with me." I knew exactly what it was, and I sure as hell wasn't about to touch it. He just got angrier and angrier, until he pushed me down, and said "If you don't smoke this, I’m going to cut you up!" I got silent, and smoked it. I could taste the chemical sour in my lungs as my head started spinning. I wanted more.

I was addicted from that very second. Every day, he would pick me up, we would go get tweaked out, and then have sex. It was sickening. When my mom caught on, she pulled out numerous drug tests. They were just for pot, and coke. I always came out clean. Till one day, she got the right test. It had been a month, and I had lost already 20 pounds. I tested positive, and my mom lost her mind. I called my boyfriend and asked him to pick me up. He said he was busy. So I called one of his friends to come and get me so they could drop me off. I climbed through his window, and I saw the bathroom door was shut, and I heard voices. I thought I was just hearing things because I was so high. I crept over and opened the door, and I saw him holding down some girl, and raping her. She was crying so hard, but his hand was over her face to where he was smothering her. He looked up at me and I just fell to the floor, and blacked out. When I woke up I knew I was done. I was so hurt by him. I was so convinced he was madly in love with me, but that was not the case. I told my mom everything, and he ended up in jail, and I ended up in rehab. I have been ice free for 2 years now. And it feels fantastic.