Speak Up

I met cam 3 years ago. I was serving tables at Texas roadhouse when we first met. He sat in my section and charmed me, we exchanged numbers and bam! then we were dating and completely in love. He moved in with me just a month later and things were really going great until I found him one day in my bathroom doing "speed." I know some of you may not believe me because he didn't either but I didn't know speed was Meth. I came from a very very small school and no one did drugs. I never DREAMED I'd be introduced to it. That day in my bathroom, I should have ran but I didn't. I sat down and was super curious about it and smoked it with him. I felt so energized and clear minded. I loved it. I was worry-free about doing it too because I thought speed was it's own thing. I never heard of it so it couldn't be that bad, right....? Well I shortly found out what I had really smoked... I was angry at Cam at the time and it was the first time we thought about breaking up but he promised and promised he wouldn't do it and it'd never be around again. Well it was and when it did come around again, maybe it was my addiction or the fact I thought it was over-rated but we started really messing with the drug. It didn't help we got it for free cause his dad was a cook.. I did it for a year with him and ultimately we had a blast. Looking back I can see how i was slowly going down hill though. At the time I never could tell. It was little things like not making my rent, I had dropped out of school again, I never had money for anything... but anyways just about a year later I found out I was pregnant. This is when everything just went terribly wrong. I'm from a very conservative christian family. Kinda the fake judgmental kind of family though. My parents didn't support the pregnancy and wanted nothing to do with me. I became very isolated . I had very few friends since the last year I was in a bathroom smoking my brains out. The only person I had was my boyfriend. And in this time of my pregnancy, i lost him . I became bitter and the pregnancy was super rough. I started resenting him. I was working a bad job and he was literally just smoking dope. No job. No worries. I started hating him and we fought every day. But I stayed because I had no where to turn to. We became so distant that I didn't see the signs he was cheating on me. I found out four days before I had my little girl that he had been sleeping with my neighbor. I was so hurt. I broke that day I found out and I really haven't been the same since. How could anyone do that? Although, I took him back and we tried things as a family for 6 months. But the only way I was gonna give him another chance was if he would stop using. He didn't, so I left. I left and he became much worse. He started selling and messing his whole life up. It's been 9 months now since I left and he now has no job, no car , no home, and I'm moving across the USA to get away from him. My life has been so crazy