Speak Up

I thought it would be fun and cool. I thought I'd lose weight and feel good. I lost everything I ever cared about and hate myself for it. I loved it. I hated it. It gave me hate and these tears are deadly. I thought it made me cool, but no one in real life wanted to be around me. Five years later I am left with no friends, no home, no job and I added a couple of felonies and misdemeanors to my record. Everyone looks at me like I still can't be trusted, like I'm still using even when I'm not.

After several trips to rehab, I finally decided to stick to quitting. At least for now. I don't know if I'll ever truly quit because I'm hooked still. It doesn't get easier after years, the cravings go away but you still can't be near it. In Missouri, I am surrounded by it and I can't stand it. I am always 20 minutes away from a meth dealer.

Starting was the worst decision I've ever made. I've hurt so many people, but most of all I hurt myself. My brain is now messed up and I don't know if it will ever return to the way it used to be. I still have nightmares of what I've done and what I've seen. I hung out with the slimiest people and didn't even notice how obvious it was to everyone else. I have to live with all this guilt and shame for the rest of my life. If you haven't ever tried it, I beg you not to try it. If you're still new to it and are considering quitting PLEASE do. It WILL mess your life up. Maybe not right away, but I give you 6 months before it takes complete control of everything you say and do, just so you can get more. It will kill you.