Speak Up

My name is Ashley, and I am a crystal meth addict. I started doing meth right before I turned 18. As a child, the thought of doing drugs scared the hell out of me. I never even imagined I would try cigarettes. But as I got into middle school and high school, I was bullied because I was overweight and I was always a little weird. I started smoking pot and drinking when I was about 15. I was doing that for a couple years, until I became homeless at 17. I was with my boyfriend at the time. He took me to his friends trailer, where I was under the impression that we were just going to smoke pot. Then his friend pulled out a meth pipe and asked me if I wanted to try it. I said yes. My life was already horrible, why not mess it up even more, right? So I tried it, and immediately, I fell in "love." Within a couple days, I believe I got completely addicted. I turned 18 and I started working at a dingy strip club to support my habit. After 3 weeks, I went from 150 pounds to nearly 100. One day, one of the guys I was staying with went completely psychotic and tried to murder me. Needless to say, I out of that house. I got "sober" for a little while, until I met someone else who did meth, and this time, I started injecting myself instead of smoking. Once I got into that habit, my addiction just got worse and worse as they all do. I was doing it for months and months on end, maybe taking week long breaks so I could get some sleep and then started right back up again. On July 20th, 2013, I got sober. I had 4 months. I relapsed for about a week. I went another 2 weeks without it, and I ran into another using buddy. Once he pulled it out of his pocket, I fell into it again. Here I sit with only 5 days sober, scared that another use is just around the corner. I'm at a point where I don't want to stop using, but I'm terrified it's going to lead me to the gates of insanity or death. This is my story. I hope someone reads this and is able to relate. I haven't lost everything yet, but I can't lie to myself. I either get sober and live a normal life and actually feel my emotions, or continue getting high. Sure the high is comforting, but the lifestyle that comes with it isn't worth it. I hope I can remember the horrors of addiction and maybe that will prevent further use. I just want to be normal, whatever that is.