Speak Up

Meth brought out the worst in me. Manipulative, dishonesty, with no moral code. My emotion to feel for anyone other than myself was diminished, to none existence. After many detox centers I would promise my children and wife this was the last time.I meant it with all my heart and soul, but time after time I would stay clean for a few months and repeat the same old behavior, developing self-hatred each time I failed. Suicide begin to seem like the best thing I could do for my family and end my pain. I had been in 12-step years ago and remembered how it felt to live without drugs. if only for a few months. One more attempted in 2006 with a new bottom no self esteem, and despair. I choose to use again a few times since. It has only took 2-3 days to realize I had given up a precious gift, for the lonely isolation and pain of failing once again. Perseverance is my motto, life gets better and better the more I learn to practice recovery. My desire was more important than my family, or anything good that I once was interested in or passionate about. I thought in the beginning of my use it was making me a better, more productive person. I've learned in recovery that's a justification to use. The process of recovery has helped me rebuild my life now full of possibilities. Life has become an adventure again. Better relationships with family and more real friends than I ever imagined. I now know I'm not alone in facing challenges in life.