Speak Up

Hello, my name is Jamie. I am an addict. I have been an addict since I was about 16. I used Molly/Ecstasy and some cocaine. I got pregnant with my son at age 16 and fell in love for the first time. He was my everything and I stayed sober through out my pregnancy. The love of my life cheated on me when I was 5 months pregnant, after telling me many of lies about wanting marriage and a future with me. He left me. I was crushed and went into preterm labor. I spent 6 weeks of my pregnancy in the hospital and finally gave birth to a healthy happy baby. Three months went by, I was depressed and lonely. I began to leave my son with my mother and I would go out. I started going out for 2 and 3 nights in a row. I started neglecting my son. I then started shooting up Molly and a couple months later I tried Meth. It was unlike any high I had ever had. The rush that I got from shooting it up was unlike anything I had ever imagined. The guy I dated that got me into it. He was a little older than me and loves me so he gave me more and more to keep me happy. It was great for the first 2 months. I had lost custody of my son and I was too high to care. I thought I was doing alright until one day I had looked in the mirror, the once 145 pound, curvy girl, was gone. A 115 pound bag of bones was staring back at me. Bags under my eyes and sores all over my body. My friend who stood next to me started to cry, she too looked the same. I had no emotion or remorse. As she cried, I said "This is who I am now" and walked out of the bathroom. I missed my sons first birthday this year in February, I didn't call or anything. On the day of his birthday I got as high as i could but I still couldn't stop the memories and thoughts of how selfish I was becoming. It took me a year to snap out of what I was doing. I relapsed 3 times and hopefully I won't any longer. I recently found out I was pregnant again and thank God I have been clean. I am nearly 5 months and I have almost 4 months sober. This is the longest I have been clean in over a year. I know my intentions are good. I go to NA twice a week voluntarily and I am in the process of getting my son back. I moved out of the town where I had my connections and I have a job and faith in myself. I can't do it alone. I have God on my side today. I don't know what might happen tomorrow, but today I am clean. Thank you for reading.

-Jamie