Speak Up

I fell in love with a guy 8 years older then me who was a dealer. We did meth everyday together I smoked it he was an I.V user. We used meth daily and mixed other drugs with it. Our relationship became violent he would hit me choke me and throw me around. He used fear and the drugs to keep me around and I was oblivious to the whole thing not caring what happened to me. I was on probation then and got violated for drinking I ended up going to jail and while I was in jail I found out I was pregnant he started dealing meth and stopped coming to see me while I was in jail. Was cheating on me and didn't care about me and the baby. When I got out I didn't plan on talking to him again even though I was pregnant with his child. But I ended up meeting up with him and he was skinny and I could tell he had been using the whole time I was in jail he looked rugged and oily and I could see his bones on his stomach and face. Knowing he was doing this I ended up moving in with him and he was getting high everyday leaving me alone at wic appointments to get high and started accusing me of sleeping with his brother saying it was probably his brothers baby. He ended up telling me he wanted me to get an abortion if we weren't going to stay together cause he didn't want to raise a baby in a separate family again like he did with his first child. I wanted to stay with him but he started threatening my life and the babies if I were to leave. Told me I wouldn't be safe at my mothers or anywhere else and I shouldn't feel safe around him. That our baby wouldn't have a birthday he made me very sad and I was constantly walking on eggshells around him and scared what he would do cause he has been abusive before. He pad locked me in a room after coming home from deals with a letter saying he didn't want to be with me or have the baby with me I ripped it up and packed my things and he didn't want me to leave. He locked me in a bathroom with him so he could yell at me and tell me he wanted me to abort the baby if I weren't to stay with him and tried pulling a knife on me to kill me and the baby. His anger got out of hand and the meth didn't make it any better I didn't want that life anymore that is why I turned him into the cops to save mine and my child's life he is not going to be part of this child's life he is not healthy and I fight everyday to move towards a sober life so my child never has to go through seeing it's mom high or drunk bringing the baby into a life it deserves with a family that loves it. Even though his family and first baby mama says I lie about what really happened they only know his side and if they don't care to know my side that just shows how unhealthy they are. I don't blame myself for anything I did. Either keep myself and the child safe or continue to live life in a constant tornado with someone who thinks he is okay. I made the right choice in the end.