Speak Up

Meth was the one drug I always heard about. First it was the PSA's on MTV, and the billboards that exploited the drug and advertised it's wrath. As got a little older I became fascinated with drug use and began reading books upon books, predominately factual memoirs, that described lives destroyed by addiction. When I read about meth the first time, I instantly felt like I had to know more and went in search for all the books written by drug users about their experience with methamphetamine. In hindsight, this was obviously not the best idea. But at the time I never in a million years thought I'd actually come across the drug. Despite all the horrific, gruesome details, the small parts of these books that described the way meth felt intrigued me beyond belief. I started to search for films dedicated to IV drug use in particular and watched everything I could find. In August of 2012 I moved in to a 1 bedroom apartment by myself across the street from where I planned to attend my 2nd year of college. My first night there I was arrested for DUI. After that, I decided it was pointless and my addiction took off running. I stopped going to class and started experimenting with other drugs, but nothing was "working" for me. In September I met someone at a tattoo shop who told me he would tattoo me for free. In a drunken stupor, I agreed and went to his house that night.That was the night I got addicted to meth. We arrived there and he pulled out a syringe and a big bag of what looked like crystals and did the deed, not a word about it. I sat there in shock for about a minute, and then immediately realized I had been presented the opportunity to use meth through an IV. He told me I could have as much as I wanted, and so without a second thought I partook. I remember like yesterday after I shot up I knew that was it. Not even five minutes later I looked at him and his roommate and asked when we could do more. For the next several months it was more, more, more. Along with that came abscesses on my arms, MRSA, extreme sleep deprivation,lies, panic attacks,a black blue body,and about 15 ER visits. I did things I would never do otherwise. The last time I got high I believe I went temporarily insane through meth induced psychosis. I experienced meth bugs. EVERYWHERE. In my body, my eyes, all around me. I screamed and cried for days. Finally I broke down when I thought my legs were splitting open and I was going to bleed to death (more hallucination) and called 911..again. About a day later I woke up, came to, and moved back home with my mom. I joined AA and went to meetings religiously, got a sponsor and started working the 12 steps. Slowly my body began to heal. I made REAL friends and got to witness my own spiritual miracles. It's been a very difficult road,but today, 9 months later. my life is full. Promises have proven themselves true. I am proud to say that a hopeless dope fiend reversed the cycle and found hope, clean and sober. If you are struggling with addiction, there is hope. It's never too late to change until it's too late. If I can do this, anyone can. Meth destroyed my health, relationships, and happiness but by the grace of God I got it all back through sobriety. It's hard work, but the best decision I've ever made. Recovery is extremely possible. If there is one thing I beg of everyone out there, don't let the monster get you.