Speak Up

My Dad has never really been a part of my life. He was on various drugs throughout my life. At some point he got ahold of meth. He ended up in jail and thats when he got in touch with me for the first time in 7 years. I still remember the voicemail he left me. "Hello there my little angel!" he said. I can still hear his voice to this day. He was a complete stranger to me then just like he is now. He eventually got out and seemed to be clean. He did good for a few years. He was my rock through the hard times I had with my Mom. I finally had a Dad. Just as I let my guard down and trust this man who was the first to ever break my heart he began to dissapoint again. He would make plans & not show up. He didn't show up for Father's day and I had to work on Christmas one year and he promised to bring me a Christmas dinner. He never showed up! He would dissappear for days at at time. We didn't live together at the time but he would just not show up and not answer his phone for days.I was unaware that his life was spiraling away again. Some how he talked me into renting a house with him when I was 21. He knew I didn't have the money to get a place so he offered to pay the bills and the rent. He slowly started fading away and would only come every week or so. He Padlocked his closet door. That was only the beginning. He started hallucinating. He set our bushes on fire because there were 3 faces in them and he told them to get out and they didn't. He would see faces throughout the house and swore to me that the cop across the street and the landlords were bugging the house. He totaled two cars within a few months. He eventually lost his job. He couldn't tell me why exactly. I thought my Dad was either back on Meth or Schizophrenic. He stopped all contact with anyone for weeks. He left me to get evicted from the house. The last time I saw him was over two years ago. The day I was gettting the last of my things from the house. I left him there and haven't spoken to him since. I couldn't take care of a man that abandoned me and left me heartbroken so many times. I was told the other day that he has lost it. Every time he comes around he either asks for money or for someone to get him cold medicine. Now I wonder if he isn't making it himself. A man never realizes that he is the world, a hero to his daughter. He left me as an innocent little girl and took my entire world away. I can never forgive the hurt he has caused and it's all because of the meth. I know one day soon I'll find out he's dead. I'm not sure how I'll feel the day I do. Silly me, I thought I was worth him starting over again and getting off of meth. I guess I didn't know how strong it truly was.