Speak Up

My name is DeyJa. I started using meth at the age of 17. I turned from an A and B student in school, who had a car, a lot of friends, a family who I loved very much, a job, a future, and so much more. When I was introduced to meth, I smoked it and I thought it was stupid, nothing fun, fast, or exciting about it. So why not try a needle? That's what I did and I was instantly consumed by the best feeling I've ever had. When my parents stated asking questions I told them I was on ecstasy. They believed me for the first little while. I was so skinny. My cheeks and my eyes were sunken in, and I had sores all over my face from picking. My employers were going to fire me because of my appearance and they talked to my family about it. Then they had an intervention and they took me to a youth center. I was a runaway so they couldn't find me anywhere other than at work. My family showed up at my work when I was scheduled and they pulled me out the back door and into my grandparents truck. I was taken to a youth center for two days. As soon as I got out my mom took me home and I had already started withdrawing. I gpt electric shocks through my whole body. I slept for over twenty four hours, to make up for staying up for four or five days at a time in those past two months. After four days, I had my boyfriend come get me high. Next thing you know, I was once again a runaway. After five days. Everything happens so fast on meth. Crazy things, terrible things. I was homeless, broke, had no phone, no car, and I was seventeen years old and high on meth. I sold drugs with my boyfriend for a few months until he went to jail, and then rehab for three months. I was sober for about a month and a half while he was gone. But, when he first left, I cheated on him with his childhood best friend, continued to get high for a while, and kept losing more and more. I was sober, and so excited to see him after three months of rehab. Within five days, we were shooting meth. I was a month away from graduating from an alternative school, I have never been off track to graduate. I got dropped from school, and never got my diploma. I worked my whole life to get that. And I couldn't handle school for a month. Stupidest decision I've ever made. I continued selling drugs, living in and out of hotels, not sleeping, not eating, going crazy thinking everyone was going to kill me, even my boyfriend who I completely trusted and had gone through everything with. Then he went to jail again. He now had six felonies, and if he didn't want to do a whole lot of jail time, we needed to get out of the state and hope his charges weren't filed. In a day, I left my best friends, and my whole family behind. Never even said goodbye to anyone. I am now sober, but I haven't seen any of my family in over a month. I've spoken to my mother once. I'm too embarrassed of myself to talk to anyone. I hate it here. And I want to get high. I've hit my own mother, screamed and cussed at my grandmother, told my whole family I hate them and want nothing to do with them, hurt myself, tried to kill myself, come very near to hurting other people, been a burden sleeping on multiple peoples couches for the last seven months, ruined my life, lost friends, respect, trust, all of my material items other than a few outfits, my body is weird looking from losing and gaining weight all the time. I used to be very beautiful, now I have scars all over my face. I wouldn't recommend doing meth to anyone. Don't try it, because it will get you. Just once and you can be entirely taken over. No control of yourself, your mind, or your life. I would look into the mirror, and not only wonder who that was in the mirror, but I hated her. I couldn't stand that girl looking back at me.