Speak Up

LIVE LIFE ... CLEAN & SOBER:

it can be done. and it's worth the hassle. the first month is the hardest, but it really does get easier. if you're like me, what you really miss is hanging out with buddies, listening to youtube all night, playing cards, getting ur to do list done, feeling a connection with folks just like you.

you know what? u can still have all that. true friends still like a warm place to crash that smells like home cooking. you can still crank up kid rock, jamey johnson, and tool on the stereo. your to do list projects may get scratched off slower, but they'll damn sure be done more thoroughly, more professionally, and more reliably.

hell, they'll just be done. remember all those projects that you and your buddies would start and nobody would ever finish, and you'd have car parts, lawnmower parts, hardware, computer parts all over the place and no clue who started what, let alone how far they got or how to finish?

i have to admit, i miss the thrill of getting away with driving dirty. i miss the dusty backroads and the shiny blacktop highways. i miss putting in my young jeezy cd, cranking up "i put on for my city," and providing the highest level of customer service that nobody, and i mean nobody, in corporate america ever dreamed of doing. (and getting hardly no gas money for my efforts either.)

you can still take the road trips. you can still go camping or clubbing or mudding. you can still enjoy country, rock, rap, soul ... loud. you can still have amazing sex, or just amazing cuddling.

hell, when you're in jail or prison eating mystery meat, boiled eggs, and cornbread soaked in water, you realize the hassle of arrests, court, f***wad cell mates, group showers, no one setting up paytel, no one coming to visit, shivering in cell 7-74 because somebody just stole ur thermals that somebody else just gave you, reading to kill a mockingbird for the 8th time ... all this hassle surely can't be worse than the simple hassle of just staying clean.

then probation, and fines, and piss tests, and having to look your kids in the eye and swear to God almighty that you really are gonna stop this time. then the hardest part comes when you have to ... and i mean YOU HAVE TO ... get naked in front of a full length mirror and look at all the scars, and bruises, and discolorations still visible on the outside.

then you gotta look at those sad eyes staring back at you and say, "I'm sorry for hurting you like this. I'm sorry for taking you to those horrible places, with those horrible people, and letting you see those horrible things. I'm sorry. I love you. Please forgive me. can we team up and beat this thing? I'm willing to try if you are."

and that's it. and when you've done that true self examination and pep talk in the mirror the 3rd time, or the 300th time, never forget how it felt to do it for the 1st time.

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