Speak Up

I'm a 17 year old girl, i've been doing meth for 5 months. That's not long, but perfect example of it's destruction. Injecting every day.. it's scary to think that you have to inject chemicals and battery acid and products used to kill any living thing, pretty much.. into your blood stream. You do all that, just to feel temporarily happy.

My boyfriend and i both decided to try it together, after talking for days about it... we decided to do it, but right before he said "Actually, f*** this. I have to much respect for you, i'm not putting you through this." :/ THEN the next day, we did.. ha. Ironic, right? That whole night was the best night of our lives, we stayed up and just talked about everything that came across our brain waves, we both thought that this was it! This was what we have been looking for, perfection and happiness all just one shot away. Next thing i knew, it was 5 months later. I lost about 15 pounds, i haven't talked to my family since thanksgiving i think? I quit two jobs, which weirdly enough at my second job they said "We aren't going to drug test you baby, you look to sweet. Don't tell anyone! :)", i have a constant case meth mouth.. my lips are always cracking and bleeding, i trade everything i owned.. Wii, xbox, playstation, my moms grill? My boyfriends daughter.. he hasn't seen her in 4 months. Why would he?! He doesn't have to think about that when he gets the love of his life in his hands, right? I use to be that person.. i use to be the first thing he thought of and the last thing he help before falling asleep. OH! but we don't sleep, we're too busy playing with shadow people and talking to things that aren't even imagined yet. Trying to look decent? Forget it, how can you when you always have to be in an awkward position just to cover your swollen arms full of tracks upon tracks. Everything is not as important as driving away everyday to get meth! Forget a shower, who needs that.. Nobody else here takes one either. You're father will tell you that he wishes you weren't even born, he's broke because of you! You haven't achieved anything, how is he suppose to be proud. You were never daddys girl anyway, maybe if he would have loved you....., . You're grandma will walk up to you and ask "Tell me the truth, are you on meth? We know" NO! NO! You will walk into your boyfriends house & get into yet another fight because you haven't had any dope in a day and he'll spit in your face and leave bruises.. you'll punch him in the face and tell him you'd rather f*** his brother. Getting a frantic call from his mother saying he's not answering the phone, last thing he said was begging for someone to come sit with him ,he didn't want to be alone... come to find out he was just locked in the bathroom crying because of what he has became. I had to sit there, thinking... thinking that the only person that gave a s*** about the person i use to be & even the person i was. He was dead, it was my fault.. i could've have said no. I could have gotten help, but wait.. i have more dope, i should probably do that while i wait to see if he needs anything. Night is the worst though, you're up hours upon hours in your on mind. Having an inner war with your own thoughts.. where is the person i use to be? Why can't i sense her anymore... it won't hurt anyone if i do a little more, i'm so high i don't even have a care in the world... Wheres my pipe.. i can stop anytime! That's the best part! God, that's the best part.......... Actually realizing, that you need to stop. You've lost everything including yourself, you'll never be truely happy againm you lost the love of your life, you could have changed earlier, helped him. Helped yourself, you can't go back. I've tried, deal with your shitty life now, it's what you did. You're a f*** up, congratulations.. meth is totally worth it. Meth is your best friend, it just needs your soul.. and dignity.