Speak Up

I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years, our bond is only a rare few get to experience. I started noticing him changing, acting different. He started taking hours in the bathroom we've lived together since I was 17 so I know his habits pretty well. I asked why and he would say he ate something bad. Till one day I caught him in the bathroom smoking meth. That tore my heart to pieces, he feels everybody is against him, especially me and feels like I don't love him because I broke his pipe. He sees me as the enemy now and he can't realize what he's putting us through. When he can't get high he takes his anger out on me, talks down on me, calls me out of my name and refuses to apologize. Once he even said he'd fogive me for breaking his pipe if I took him to get some more at 2 in the morning, I refused and he said we were over. As much as my feelings get hurt and crushed I refuse to leave because deep down that is still my first love. Counslers say I should worry about myself a little more than I do him. But the thing is I can't, it breaks my heart every single day that the man I fell in love with is fading away because of this awful drug sometimes I can't even put to words how my heart soul and mind feel. It's killing him physically but it's killing me mentally. I have never hated anything more in my life than meth </3