Speak Up

I'm almost 18 years old and I've been smoking crystal meth for about a year and a half now. I did drugs before I tried meth, weed, cocaine, E, mdma, oxys, but nothing too intense and I never really lost myself into them. Then I met a guy new years eve when I was 16, he was 26. I had always seen much older guys.. We started dating shortly after I met him and I learned he was addicted to crystal meth. He injected it, I remember watching him have the needle in his arm for over an hour one day trying to hit a vein because most had collapsed on him. He was heavily addicted and I watched him go completely physcotic constantly hearing voices and thinking his computer was hacked and that people were always watching him ect.. He was never violent towards me, but he did constantly lose his temper. He used meth around me every time we were together, until one day I asked him if I could try some, as he would never of dared to offer it to me, though I wish he said no when I asked.. Of course he said yes and it started the craziest rollercoaster ride of events in my life.I had, and still have a fear of needles so I smoked it in a glass pipe. It was the best feeling of my life, I felt normal. What I didn't know at the time was I had ADD, I was diagnosed a few months ago and am now taking 54mgs of CONCERTA.. which I find terrifyingly similar to crystal meth. Anyways, the high from crystal meth was so intense and amazing for me, I could actually focus, my mind wasn't racing will a million different things, I had motivation and better memory(temporarily), I had more energy and determination. It changed my life, I immediatley became hooked and started my first binge. I went four days without eating or sleeping. Just smoking the pipe, having sex, playing video games, and anything else to keep myself busy. After about a month I introuduced my friend to crystal, she had tried it before but never got really good crystal like I did. I lucked out with the man I was with(I guess), he was into the drug for like 10 years and knew THE best places to get the shit. So i never had to deal with shit ass meth like most teens/newbies. But eventuallly, his friends soon became my friends, and he ended up in rehab and the hospital then the loony bin.. and I ended up spending a lot of thime with people 10, 20, sometimes 30 years older than me. so i started drifting away from my school friends and eventually stopped going to school all together. I went on the crystal cycle for a good 5 months. Bingeing staying up day to weeks.. longest was 2 weeks and a day, that was when I had a stroke. I stood up to talk to my sister and my vision went totally blurry, a couldnt hear or talk, I had this pain in my body that went all numb and i collapsed. I died for about 30 seconds that day at the age of 17. I SMOKED more crystal meth later thaat day. Thats when i relived I had a problem. so I started using heroin and crack. thinking it would lessen my usage of the crystal. I hated the withdrawls from them.. but I loved getting tweaked out staying up a night or two then smoking a few hits of herion and crashing instanty totally skipping the whole coming down part of crystal. the one day I was mixing everything together just totally not giving a shit then quit the NEXT DAY. i was sober nearly 4 months. I relapsed two weeks ago. went on a four day binge and finally skept last night... now i am going to try and quit AGAIN, PERMENANTLEY. wish me luck