Speak Up

I had always wondered why my real mom was never around...why I was living with my grandparents, and always left hanging by my mom. When I was old enough, my grand parents told me that my real mom had been on meth since she was 17 years old. I was born when she was 19, and she has now been on meth for 20 years. She has so many problems, I can't even count them. She dates guys who beat her up, and break bones all over her body. She will do literally anything to get her dose of meth. She has Satan inside of her. He has a HUGE grasp on her, and I don't think he will ever let her go. Sometimes, when she is angry, you can actually SEE a demon in her face...in her eyes....just staring into your soul...it's one of the scariest things I have ever seen. Her memory is completely screwed up. She can't remember her child hood, she can't remember promises that she has made me, and broken...a lot of times, she can't even remember what she did last week. Many times I wait weeks, months, and sometimes a year or more before she decides to get back into contact with me. She has stolen from me, her own daughter...She has stolen from my grandparents, my grandparent's friends, too. Meth turns you into someone that you aren't. It ruins you from the inside out. It affects your brain, your heart, you entire body. She now has cancer, and is still living the life of a bum. She can't hold a job, can't keep a car, and can't even stay in a place for more than a month. She has wasted basically ALL her life on drugs, and will probably die in some alley because of an overdose. That probably sounds really harsh, but I have grown up seeing her to this to herself. Hearing those promises that she will come on my birthday, or come out to dinner with us, and she NEVER shows up. I have lost ALL hope in her. And I doubt I will ever get that hope back. We have tried everything. We have set her up for rehab, we have let her stay with us, we have done everything in our power. And she still won't stay long enough to get that meth addiction broken. Her life is a complete mess. She will probably be addicted to meth until she dies. And I know that I am not going to see her in Heaven. She has Satan inside of her, not Jesus Christ. And that hurts me. But honestly, I have done everything in my power to save her. I am her 16 year old daughter whom she doesn't even love, talk to, or care about anymore. And she even has 5 other children that she had after me, and she doesn't acknowledge or care about them either. I will always love her, and care about her as KC. But I will never love and care about her as my MOTHER. She has never been a mom to me, and NEVER will be. Meth has screwed up her life, and has a grasp on her that will never let her go.