Speak Up

I know 4 very intelligent gifted people in my family, close to me, that have made some stupid choices to do meth. My brother did meth and got clean because he saw the damage it had done to my uncle. My uncle had a future in corrections and gave it all away to this soul stealer. My brother has done drugs since 7th grade he is now 3 years out of high school and finally clean of meth. My uncle is finally clean of meth but still deals with the paranoia and even psychotic breaks. A great uncle of mine worked with Steve Jobs and Bill Gates, but got caught up in drugs and now roams the streets in Washington.

I love those people, my brother especially... I am proud of him for being clean but I never felt this gut wrenching feeling, this heart tearing feeling, the numbing feeling... that I feel now. My mom does meth. She has for some time on and off. But now things are scary. She's paranoid. Has bad anxiety. The windows are boarded up. She has bills to pay... but is on and off work because of disability for anxiety. But will she have a job much longer? She is the source of my health care, my car insurance- Im just a poor 23 year old college student. I want my mom, I want her back. Its hard to believe that she even does meth. She seems normal but things start to click... she is doing meth, but for how long and how much? I want her back. Screw meth and those that make it. She says she doesnt deserve me, that Im too good of a kid to be hers. I dont believe that, shes still my hero. Shes still my mom, I still love her so. She raised me to be good, and pure of heart. She tells me shes proud of me for graduating college and pursuing my dreams to teach. I dont want her to be killed by the freaking habit. I want her to be happy but clean. I know she can do it. She is strong and she is my mom. In the mean time its hard to watch her die slowly. I know I cant do anything but be there for her. I want her back, I want her now, meth leave my mom alone because I just need my mom.