Speak Up

I found out my dad was a meth addict at the age of 16. I am now 17 and still trying to grasp the reality of all of it. My dad started off doing meth when he was in his 20's, and was also an alcoholic on top of it. He hurt my mom, he cheated on her, he stole money from her, he made her cry. When I was born, he stopped doing it. But as time pushed on, he started up again. It almost makes me feel worthless, because you would think a child of your own would make you do anything in your power to not hurt her, or yourself. He was only worried about the meth though, he lost all sense of caring, and loving factors. He became self absorbed, and manipulative. One time he said he was going to kill himself if I gave up on him, I could hear the train in the background. I was always the one who never gave up hope in him, I wanted him to get better and be a dad to me. I wanted so badly to be a daddy's girl. He took advantage of me. He didn't take my help and hope for him in consideration. He's now in a rehab, supposley getting better. But even without meth, he's still the person it made him. He says he loves me, but he doesn't care about me. He won't even give me the time or day to just talk about me, he' s forever messed up in the head. I remember when I was little, and he was half way sane. We got along, I had a family, and everything seemed perfect. But through all the lies and tears, none of it was perfect. Not even close to it. He missed me growing up, and he'll probably never get to know his daughter, and I'll never get my old daddy back, I'll never really have a dad. All because of meth.