Speak Up

What a painful time in my life I am going to share with you, but it has made me the person I am today. I am thankful for this learning experience. “You can’t control where you come from but you can always control where you are going.” Key word is YOU!! Only ourselves can make a difference in our lives.Forgiveness is the success key to inner peace I dropped out of school, got a job at Mcdonalds and got my own place when I was just 16 years old. I was sexually abused when I was younger as well. My mom had/has a mental illness but growing up, she didn’t get the proper treatment. My dad was never around. I didn’t love myself nor did I care about myself and that was my most dangerous problem. I didn’t know that then. I had to learn and find myself. I was so lost I didn’t know where to start. To the world I looked just fine. Nobody knew about the girl inside that was screaming to be heard. I hid that girl with self destruction. I have been fighting drug addiction for years just nobody knew it. . I kept my addiction very well hid. Needless to say the addiction got worse when I got introduced to a drug called “speed” Methamphetamine. I was on meth for 8 months. At first it didn’t control my life, I thought I was controlling it. I was wrong. I was doing fine I had my own place my own car, I lost everthing when my addiction got worse and when I allowed negative people to have a negative effect on my life. My addiction and denial almost cost me my kids and my freedom. Looking back now I wonder how could I not love my kids enough to walk away from this death trap. The thing is I didn’t love myself,drugs take your soul away. I was a failure in my eyes. The feeling of worthlessness will cause you to make dangerous choices. If you view yourself in any negative thoughts, talk to someone, or write in a journal. I wish I had someone I could talk to, but I felt like nobody cared. I wish I would’ve instead of keeping it inside. Self destruction is not a fun path. Finally, my best friend since childhood noticed I was acting different, mainly cuz she had my kids more than usual. She reached out to my aunt and my aunt reached out to my sister. That was my blessing in all of this. It was so bad, that I was dating a meth cook, and we moved out to the country far away from anyone. It got really bad then, my boyfriend got really bad on it and got arrested. I was already planning on leaving him, I had talked to my sister earlier that week and she was coming to get me from Alabama, and let me live with her in Virginia to get my life in order. I am so grateful to her for that. She didn't know at the time that I was using, I just told her that my boyfriend was going down a path that I couldn't live on anymore and he was never going to stop. I knew that wasn't the life I wanted. I want to reach out and touch people’s hearts with my story. It truly was a wake up call, soft addictions can lead to hard addictions if you don’t fix what is needed within yourself.” Soft addictions are an escape from uncomforatble feelings” says Judith Wright. I don’t believe this only because hard or soft any addiction is an escape from any uncomforatble feeling or experience that you don’t want to face in your life. I will be a year clean April 2014.. I got my GED this past July and I started College in August. I passed my first semester, and now I am about to start the spring semester. I am studying drug addiction; I want to reach and inspire people and let them know that you can be more than your addiction. You can overcome it, you can beat it, you can have a better life!!! My story proves that!!

I am posting two pictures of me: the meth user and the sober, college student, me now!!