Speak Up

I started using when i was 17 shortly after that i started injecting. Ive always been an addict crack, extacy, cocaine, opiates. But when i tried meth that was it everything else didnt matter. I fell in love with smoking it imagine my first time shoting up. In that short amount of time I was lying, stealing doing things that im asamhed of to get that high. I hid it easily i would get high during school, at home, wile i was out with friends. That was only the first few months, i stayed that way for 1 yr. I would get my friends to start so they would spend their money so i would have more to do. Ive done so many terrible things to so many people i cared about, if it wasnt getting them to try meth it was hurting them because i didnt have it. I remember getting clean but that was only for so long, i was an addict again. Last year i stayed sober for 2 whole months my first day out enjoying myself i was sexualy assulted, shortly after that i started using again. I dont know if it was living with an abusive boyfriend being assulted or using again i tried to commite suicide. I moved out but didnt stop using, thats when it was the worst than its ever been. I felt trapped like i was so far gone nothing could save me, But that was probably from staying up 5 days staright. I tried to take my life again and that time really tried, i ended up in the hospital. Waking up to my grandma staring at me really crushed me that was the lowest ive ever felt in my life. I was so caught up with my drugs i forgot my grandparents came to visit. I tried and got clean, 7 months off of meth. In thoese 7 months alot happened i turned 20 realized i had to turn my life around I graduated became closer to my friends (that mattered to me) and family. Then i dont know what happened i felt myslef slipping again i was drinking heavily then that led me to using drugs again. I shot up meth again a few times. I didnt want to do this all again, I got away from it. Then i found out i was pregnant, i was about one month pregnant when i injected meth. I felt all these emotions regret guilt pain, I was so angry at myself for doing this to my unbron child. Fot making my child suffer the consequences for my mistakes. Iam now 4 months pregnant and 82 days clean. Iam trying everything to make sure my baby will be healthy. I pray constantly for my baby, hoping he or she will be fine. Im the happyiest ive ever been in my life. This is real happy not my drug induced fake happy. I wouldnt trade this for anything, not even an endless supply of meth. Im stronger now and i would do anyhting for my child i just prey to God that i will stay that way.