Speak Up

5 years going on to my 6th this fall that I've been enslaved to a wretched mind controlling speck of white dust. It's that time of year where I feel so scared & yet relieved that meth hasn't killed me. I am turning 22 this fall & as much as I feel relieved of hanging on another year a little part of me wishes I wouldn't have. I don't know what it's like to be happy, I don't know what it is to breathe, or to feel love & return it with a real feeling. I don't know what it's like to have friends or a family that no matter how many times you say you need help they ignore the silent pleads. I don't know who I am or where I am going. I don't know what I enjoyed doing before this demon enslaved me, my childhood is one dark cloud hanging over my shoulders. I want to be a child again, I want to remember what it felt like to be innocent, pure & most of all love. As the days quickly vanish, my name is the only thing I can take with me while I patiently await the silent murderer, Meth.