Speak Up

It all began in 1998 when I played a very minor role (more like a donkey) for several years while I was employed with Kmart. This led to my arrest in April 2002 for conspiracy to distribute. This was also my first, and only time flying on a military helicopter with a soldier with a machine gun standing at the exit. I was charged with a phone call and sentenced to two years in the Federal Detention Center on Oahu which began in October 2003. Prior to this I tried meth on one occasion, but was scared to “use” it because it was rumored to be made with embalming fluid and I didn’t want to become a corpse. I was released from FDC, and sent to TJ Mahoney’s half-way house in Kalihi for two months, beginning the end of May 2005. I came back to Maui in July of 2005, on Federal Probation for 5 years. I began working at Aloha Waste Systems in Sept. 2005.

At the end of 2008, I began to use meth. This basically started as my way of trying to get closer to my husband. The addiction turned chronic. I would smoke about every three hours. Mostly at work or in my garage. I wasn’t taking care of my children the way they needed to be. I put them in dangerous situations, without even having to take them around any “drug houses” or any of that. My addiction was mainly hidden by the fact that I didn’t really go out any place. Back in 2009, prior to my being arrested for probation violation, I got into a very bad accident with my then 10 year old daughter in the vehicle. I was high, up all night, just dropped my two small babies at the sitter, and was on my way to work. I went to cross an inter-section, and make a long story short, flipped our Expedition (we got hit by another vehicle on the driver’s side). The vehicle flipped and turned 3 times. My daughter’s window was the only one shattered, and at the moment I stepped down onto the broken glass, I thought I was stepping on her blood. Most people would have probably stopped using meth at that time, but I continued to use it to not only cover the pain from my marital problems, but also to cover the guilt from almost taking my daughter’s life. I also put my children in other very bad situations.

Somewhere after this point, CPS became part of my life. The funny thing about God is he knows us, and I believe He walked thru this whole time with me. My 1st CPS worker was a “grandma” type lady who I was very humble to. I was also involved with Pastor Greg and the Neighborhood Place of Wailuku. (which were all positives in my life). My addiction was getting out of control and my PO had no other choice than to issue a no-bail bench warrant, partially due to my addiction and also for not following several orders she had given to me at the time (one which included staying away from my husband and issuing a TRO). CPS removed my children from my care and placed them in foster care (with my cousin—who didn’t make life easy at all for me—and I’m glad now that she didn’t) the same day that I got arrested by MPD and taken to cell block to await the U.S. Marshall’s escorting me to Honolulu. I spent two nights in Maui Cell Block before being transported to Honolulu. (Sept. 2009)

The federal judge had ordered that I was to remain in custody until there was an opening at the Malama Family Recovery Center on Maui. I was fortunate there were people on Maui helping me out because after being detained for 10 days, I was able to fly back to Maui on Oct. 8, 2009 to begin residential treatment. During this time my CPS worker changed, which was also a good thing for the benefit of my babies. I graduated from Malama in January of 2010.

I had no home or income either and they would not release me from treatment without a place to stay. I was blessed to get a house that needed a lot of work and the agreement was to do a work-trade for free rent. With this I was able to be