Speak Up

I lost every thing that mattered to me in one week there was nothing but a void it filled the void because I didnt know how to just take care of me I got into the wrong crowd at the wrong time of my life. I have been clean for three years now thanks to my family for rescuing me from the hell I made my life but I live an every day struggle now with my health and body. my teeth just fall out of my jaw and I have pains in my kidneys and alot of head achs. I grind my teeth still even after stopping I also have jaw pain I get disoriented easily and am very irratable and aggitated easily. I forget most things and just remember the old things. before the meth I was the girl next door never thought of trying such a drug but some how wound up doing it my use was only for a few months. I cant remember quite how long it was but I used every day all day and was awake sometimes for weeks at a time seeing hearing and thinking things that I would of never thought. I remember all this stuff some how I over dosed on accident and was awake for a couple of weeks my head felt like it was going to explode off from my shoulders. on top of using meth just so I could sleep some times I started using heroin to help me come down so two addictions they went hand in hand up and down is usually how it happens a pick me up and a take me down. this is my story and I live with my actions but its true it only takes one time then leads to other things and I wouldnt wish that on my worst enemy. oh yeah the only emotions I have found myself to be abull to express is extreem happyness or extreem anger and violence and most of the time for no reason at all I left the people that I thought were my friends but were pushers users and only looked out for them selfs like I said three years of being clean and I still have to relive every time I took a hit and the pain that I deal with now is some thing that cant be ignored. I wont take strong pain relevers like vicoden or tramidol because it brings on the worst of the head achs like makes them worse. rite now I went to the hospital today because of my rotting wisdom teeth another piece of tooth feel out and its infected again I knew I needed antibiotics to help ease the pain of infection but the hospital kept saying here is some thing for the pain I kept telling them I was there because I need the antibiotics they sent me home with both the one going to sit in the medicine cabinent and other I am going to take until I get better. again over and over is how this cycle works good for a while then reminded in some way or another of what I did to my body failing health hurting bones head achs memory loss. I also still see shadow people and my brain plays tricks on me. some times its hard setting some thing down like a cell phone and thinking ur going back to the place u left it and its not there and cant try to retrace my steps because I can only remember what I did a few minutes ago. so please think before trying it read this over and over again and again because is all this pain for the rest of ur life really worth getting high for a few hours of relief from what ever it is that makes u want to exscape. its tourture and u will hurt and ach and hurt some more.