Speak Up

hi, my name is Brooke. im 20 years old , a mother to a 3 1/2 yr old boy , and im currently a meth addict. i started using meth november of 2011 . i dont really remember why i started , but at that time i was talking to this guy who i thought was really into me . we hung out practically everyday and smoked the whole time . i started to not come home for days at a time and instantly became sexually active with this guy . And in october of 2011 i was tested positive with 2 STDs thanks to him . that really messed me up mentally . i already had postpartum depression when my son was born & this just made it worsen . i stopped talking to everyone , stopped going out . i basically hated myself inside and out and totally disconnected myself from the world . At this time is turned to my dad . he was the only one who was 'there' for me . my dad is currently a meth user too & has been practically my whole life (as well as my mom ). my dad would talk to me , give me advice and provided me with meth everyday . i didnt think it wrong in my mind , i thought i was getting help from him . well about a month and a half ago a friend of mine who was getting high with me sat me down and told me the most horriblest things i never thought id hear . he told me my dad had sexual , emotional and physical feelings towards me . i didnt understand how someone who created me could have these disgusting feelings for me . i still dont ! but yet i still get high with him . all of this negativity in these almost 8 months have made it easier to continue my addiction . i can honestly say meth has become what i call 'my friend' because i use it as an escapegoat . i want my life back desperatly. im tired of having no one but most of all im afraid to lose my son because i was close to it a few months ago, ive lost 40 pounds and im embarrassed to go outside cause im afraid for anyone to see me . i have a hard time eating because my stomach aches from eating . ive almost tried to attempt suicide . i hate myself for what ive left myself become; a meth addict! i dont wish for anyone to go thru what us meth addicts go thru . meth isnt the answer nor the solution . it makes your problem(s) bigger and consumes your life and makes it easier to use your problem(s) an excuse to keep using . im sharing my story to make non-users understand why and how people become users and not judge someone who is a meth addict , but help someone realize their addiction and guide them to get their life on track . meth addicts arent lost causes , we are causes of how meth addiction made us lose ourselves .