Speak Up

My daughter died on 4/29/12...She had kicked meth 8 years ago. She loved that drug and only quit because it was causing her much paranoia and hallucinations. For 8 years she fought everyday to stay alive. She wanted to die, she raged, she felt guilty, she hallucinated, she had vivid nightmares, she was depressed, hopeless and sure she would die. We thought she was BiPolar and she was diagnosed as such. We were told she was Borderline, and believed. We are poor, so she was being treated by the State of AZ, their SMI (Seriously Mentally Ill) system. For all those years, she took psych drugs. Countless changes of them, many hospitalizations, and much anguish for us the family to see her in so much mental pain. Because she never stablized, the system gave up on her. Her last Dr apt, she told me that the psychatrist had said "I don't know why I'm treating you, you never get better" The saddest part is that she felt just as hopeless as he and was tired of trying. But they changed the meds again and she got another week.

On the 27th, she was found unresponsive, and by evening she was brain dead. The hospitals neurologist did an MRI, which she had never had or been offered, and told us that he was amazed she could still walk, talk and function to any degree. Her brain was damaged severely, full of blood, the outside was dimpled, the brain stem destroyed and her synapses were irreparable. So, she suffered many years because she used Meth and because no Dr, ever did an MRI...Her pain is over and for that I am grateful. Although those years were so very difficult to deal with, I never truly understood when she said, "Mommy, I just can't get better, and I'm tired of trying" She was a wonderful daughter, she worried about me and her family...She loved friends and always tried to help everyone. She is missed deeply, and as a Mother I will never fully recover from her death, but now I do understand. Too late for my baby, but it may not be too late for others. As an addict, Serena paid the ultimate price for using Meth for 3 years. The sad part for me is that I know others will too...For Serena-Be Blessed

Please, if you are still doing Meth, get help. Please, if you are clean and having emotional problems, demand an MRI. I don't and won't ever know what her life could have been like if Meth hadn't done it's damage. I would have never expected that it could come back and kill so many years later. If you are struggling and don't have the ability to fight for yourself, find someone who will. Serena may have suffered just the same with a proper diagnose, but she wouldn't have blamed herself, everytime she lost control.