Speak Up

My name is Darrel. I'm 51 years old. From January 1998 until November of 2009, I shot meth. Every day. Why or how I'm still alive and functional is, some will say and I might agree, the grace of God or some power greater than me. It took me losing everything to stop. My address changed to 2004 Ford Taurus Ave in November of 2009. Everything I had, my wife, my 10 year old son, my dog and everything that would fit in the trunk of my new home was what meth brought me down to. I saw it coming and the meth overpowered my better thinking. Making the right choices was out of the game. Meth is such a deceiver. Such a liar.

Today I have 493 days clean. I did it in the beginning by going to a 12 step program while living in a homeless shelter in rural Oklahoma. It took me a minute to figure out exactly what I had done and once I did, wow. One thing that stands out in all of this is when my Mother died in May of 2009. I wasn't even at her funeral. I mean I was there but I was so high it was a blur. I have yet to even come to terms with her death. I carry a lot of guilt. I carry a lot of shame. I carry the burden of knowing I got the crap kicked out of me by a drug called meth. Today I make the right choice. It's a simple one that I have to keep up front of every move I make. I make the choice to not use meth.....or dope....or alcohol. My past is my reminder every day. It only takes a couple of the memories to keep me in line. Naw, it ain't a happy happy joy joy life.....but hey, it's life on life's terms. My worst days clean seem to be better than the best days high. Hope you can wrap your mind around that.

I'm begging you that are reading my story, if you are on meth right now or are trying to get off of it......just stop. Make the right choice. You are dying a slow and painful death whether you are close to the bottom or not. Trust me. I drug out almost 15 years of my life and wasted it. Meth will take you down. Meth is lying to you. The kicker and let me be straight up with you is this......it's not the dope that's taking you down.....it's your choice of doing the dope. I beg you take make the right choice. Find recovery and find your life.

Meth is death, sometimes slowly sometimes quickly. It's a cunning and powerful drug. If I can stop doing it, so can you. No matter who you are and where you are or how old you are. I promise you if you make the right choice and just stop doing the dope and find support....however and whatever it takes to get it......you will get your life back.