Speak Up

I tried meth once. It was a really weird time and I wish i didn't remember it, but here it is. I was hanging out with my friend. He had been grounded and hadnt been out of the house for a while, and we were just prowling the streets looking for something to do. we live in the suburbs, so there really wasn't anywhere to go and there was nothing to do in the daytime, literally nothing interesting, except for things on the internet or things that are illegal, like trespassing into the woods or climbing on top of things. after a while he called his dealer and he asked him if he had anything that would be gone from his system in a week or two cause his parents were drug testing him. i wasn't expecting to do meth, ever, but when it was in front of me and i was with my friend i did it. i dont know why. maybe because of my weed withdrawal. and the dealer was a nice guy. we did it in this abandoned lot with this wall with graffiti on it and this abandoned pool that kids would skate in but was filled with dirty water then. we hit the meth from this pipe my friend bought off the dealer. my friend kept saying how we were being so stereotypical and was like caricaturing and acting out crazy meth scenarios like from the commercials, like clawing at his face and making faces, i remember, and its weird now to think about us having that unserious view of it. it seemed crazy but only as crazy as if you did cocaine, we had this mentality like "people do meth and come out okay, this is a normal thing in some places." it started kicking in. i cant describe at all how i felt and i dont want to ponder on it so i'll just describe what happened. my friend got this bottle he found on the ground and he started hitting it against the wall, at first i think to make the sound but afterwards it broke and he kept hitting it, the bottom broke off and the top was cracked. his hand was bleeding. i found this empty spraypaint can on the ground and i started carrying it around. later i started trying to huff it, i dont know why. we were thirsty so we drank from the pool, i think my friend put his face underwater but he started coughing real bad the whole time. we wanted to start walking by the road. it was not a good place to be. i wanted to run at the cars, to show them, you know. i didn't. at some point during the night a car pulled over with this woman in it and i threw the can at her, the can and who knows what else. i realize now it might have been cause my friends hand was bleeding. we went to our friends house who wasnt home but his parents were, we snuck in the basement. we barricaded ourselves in, we shut the door to the upstairs with chairs, couches, the tv, the lamps. he was coughing and i tried to shut him up by grabbing him, his throat, but he didnt stop coughing. im not going to talk about this part but he ended up in the bathroom and he was shouting at me through the door. i was thinking about the kids parents. i was clawing at the door, and he stopped coughing in there and then suddenly i hear this crash. after a while i found the door had been unlocked and i opened it and he was hunched over the sink. there was mirror everywhere, all this blood and all these reflections of us like savage thirsty monsters. my friend was in bad shape but we left. we found a movie theater and snuck in and just stayed in this hall in the back for hours, kicking the walls, kicking eachother, catching bugs and pulling off their wings and legs. we snuck back home and neither of us were ever caught but i think about it a lot and wonder at how no one caught us. iv been off meth, doing a lot of hallucinogens recently but im always scared it will come back to haunt me or just come back and make me crave it, and the fact that i am really good at chemistry starts being scary. i realized later that the house wasn't our friends at all it was a neighboring house. i havent talked to my friend except once since. im just glad the past hasnt caught up with me yet.