Speak Up

I am standing here this morning at 4am and am questioning why I can't give you up. I heard you destroyed life's but I had tried every other toxic lover and they took me done. So I had to find out for myself and gave you a try almost 2 months ago. I don't even wish to go back in time cause o' how I love the way you make me feel but deep down I am aware this is all part of the game, you made me believe I needed you to live but really you are needing me to die. It started out with me in control I was taking it slow and only needed you every so often but then it was every couple hours and now you run my life I am with you or you are on my mind every second of everyday when I am without I want to slit my wrist. The things you do to me, I never sleep, I never eat, I have lost so much weight I am looking unhealthy, I do the same pointless shit every goddamn day, you have taken the me I once new and have turned me into nothing just a scared little boy chasing a first crush but it's never gonna be the same. The twisted mind games you play you put me in the delusion that I am the best me I have ever been, you make me stand up for myself, love myself, I love how I am careless to what others say or do cause at the end of each day I know I have you, every time I inhale you I feel like I am having orgasms times a 100, sex is amazing, music sounds like it's sang by angels and I feel like nothing can stop me or bring me down, you make me whole but really all you are doing is turning me into dirt. I love you but I hate you, you have me and now I feel I cannot let ago and it will just get worst ill lose my teeth I will be skin and bones, i will see more scary things and peak out the window much more, you will make me hurt my boyfriend even more then the time you took full control of me and I came too from my 6 day no sleep run with my hands around his neck, o crystal that is when I think you lost my love but I was still willing to see if I could love you again but that was mistake. Thats not even all you will do I will lie more and steal more, the loved ones I have left and there are only a few and they are the ones I love the most will have to walk away or I will choose you over them and if I think you got me now I can't believe what another month will do. So I have a little left of you and you are not working to well anymore I am in fear of never seeing the brayden I once loved and in fear of hurting my loved ones even more. I AM LEAVING YOU! May we have this last dance I want to feel you one last time but when the dance is done, I will never touch you again. The love we had was nothing but lust and let's keep it that way. F@#! YOU CRYSTAL! Time for me to learn how to love me sober!

sincerely, Annonymous