Speak Up

My last time using I got a s*** batch of shake and bake and caught double pneumomia. I become so ill I was poisoned. My asthma came back full force from when I was a child and I have reoccurring infections cause of my weak ass immune system. And besides that the absolute lack of energy I have is something unimaginable and beyond frustrating. I have zero want or motivation and I can't find interest in a damn thing. I'm emotionless besides the constant depression. I feel inconsolable. I feel very thoughtless and lost and disconnected at all times. To see how physically and mentally incapable I am since meth is devastating to me. I just never feel good. I hide most of the time. I can't relate with others I struggle to get through a conversation. I don't have much personality anymore. I'm so boring and blah. I don't even have the ability to do better for myself at this time. I'm depleted and drained. I'm 19 years old and feel dead inside. Nobody around me understands the severity of the situation, I've stopped explaining myself and just let them keep thinking I'm just lazy. Meth is so bazaar and only another addict can know the true suffering it brings. The real pain I've dealt with and continue to live with can't be put into words. It's awful. It's consuming. It's gonna be a real process getting back to a more normal state of mind. It's a sickening experience. It's a major set back for me as a person. I'm off the meth but no where close to recovering. It's being helpless. It's not knowing where to begin. It's not knowing how to just feel okay. Meth took away so much for me as a fucking human being. But can I say any day I'm off meth is a better day regardless? Even tho I'm still at my lowest I feel I guess relieved and maybe hopeful that this is what it is now but not what it's gonna be. I wanna be able to say I was a meth addict I did that and learn from this terrible time in my life. I'm also hoping to get some medication to help me along the way since I can't help myself. I think I can be saved eventually