Speak Up

I'm an addict of 22 years. A dumpster addict, if you will. I've been hopelessly addicted to everything except benzo's and hallucinogen's. I've been to detox, rehab's, in patient AND out patient, yet I've kicked everything on my own. Except meth. I've had a deadly love affair that I hadn't been able to get away from. Until my hope was renewed. I said I've been around the rehab block, I did pick up knowledge and tools to put in my arsenal of kicking addictions, but outta all the things I'd picked up along the way, I had tried without caring if I succeeded, a C.B.T. class. I didn't put any effort into the C.B.T. class I did take and I wasn't ready to quit so I didn't. Cognitive behavioral therapy. Meth was kicking MY ass tho. None of the tricks I had up my sleeves were working like they had with crack, cocaine, heroine, spice, and opiates. Meth was winning and I was on probation too. It wasn't an option to go back to jail and prison was OUT!! So I thought and I tried scheduling and finding new coping skills and meditation but nothing. C.B.T. did keep floating back to me. I was afraid of commitment tho, for starters. C.B.T. is a commitment and you can't be missing classes and keep up. I also found peace with MY God who opens doors and blesses me daily for my effort to live right. Well being on probation for drug offenses I'm required to do out patient drug treatment. I go twice a week and do one on one drug counseling as well. Well they started a third class for people further along in their recovery and that put me out since I was constantly relapsing on meth. I didn't think any more on it. Well during one one one this week I had decided to look into some new recovery ideas and was exploring C.B.T. and D.B.T., smart recovery and celebrate recovery came up also, but there was that C.B.T. again. You learn about cognitive behavioral therapy then move on to D.B.T., dialectical behavioral therapy. So I was talking with my counselor about these options and he says just what my God meant for him to, "I think you'd be a good candidate for our Wednesday C.B.T. class if you want to stay after today."!! I didn't know it was a C.B.T. class!! By the grace of my God I was put in place to have the chance to kick meth's ass with this class. I'm ready to commit to recovering from meth's death grip and the hope that my knowledge and the commitment I'm ready to make for C.B.T. classes is the answer. I was about to give up and get back head first into a death's dance with dope. Not just yet!! I found a renewed hope and I'm not ready to give up to meth's deadly embrace. If rehab's and out patient and counseling isn't for you, don't close yourself up to the lesson's you can tuck away somewhere and mold into your own personal addiction ass kicker. Open yourself up to anything you can learn and don't lose hope. There IS HOPE!! Meth is Nothing if you arm yourself with any knowledge you can soak up. Try new things. If one things not working try something different. Each and everyone of us is worth more than meth will ever allow us to be and can ever make us. Never give up. I haven't and I'm getting the upper hand slowly but surely. Just by honestly trying and really wanting to be sober and break this bond I've formed with the hardest drug I've ever kicked, I'm making strides one by one and day by day I'm enjoying recovery more and more from the hardest drug I've had to kick and now I'm kickin meth's ass!!