Speak Up

My story begins in 2008 when I was 18 and met a man. We were just friends hanging out drinking like normal teenagers although, he was 31. After only a week i noticed he was acting different. He said have you ever tried speed? I said no I don't want to. He never did it in front of me nor did I ever see the drug. But, he always asked, "Come on, it will be so much fun for us, you will love it." I said no for 4 months. One night we got drunk and was waiting at his friends house for his "fix". I was on the bathroom floor getting ready to puke from the drinking and he came in and said here put this in your mouth and swallow this and you will feel good in just a minute. It was a little rock of meth. So I did. Just a few minutes later I felt as if I had not even had a sip of alcohol and felt the best I ever had. We went back to his place and smoked the rest. I told myself this was not so bad and I would never get addicted. I thought all the commercials were a joke and totally untrue. He did tell me never to shoot up and if I did he would kill whoever did that to me. He said shooting up is what makes you lose control. After that I started using meth casually for the next two months. Just on weekends or when I was off from work. I soon found myself getting high right before I went to work because I felt it improved my performance. As weeks went by I felt my body "needing" it. I could not stand being sober. Being sober was hell. I was sick. I was tired. I was sad. I cried for no reason. I was starving but could not eat without puking on the first bite. So we made sure we always had supply so we could make it through the day normally. About 6 months later, we were at his friends house and they were going to do a shot instead of smoking it. He said you can do it but only with me no one else. So I did. As soon as he put the needle in my arm I instantly felt the rush take over my body and I puked, I grabbed a cigarette and sat in the recliner. This is where I sat for 9 hours straight with an unlit cigarette inbetween my fingers not being able to move, not being able to speak. My mind was running so fast my body was numb and I could not get words out. After this, all we did was shoot up. Every single day. We were both managers at our job and our paychecks were around 800 each. So every single payday one of our entire checks went towards meth. Only after a month is when he got fired for a reason I cannot remember. So our supply depended on only me. I went a period where I did not sleep for a whole 8 days. I started seeing things and talking to people that were not there. Soon after that I got fired also. I no called no showed so I could get high. I started stealing. Everything I owned was stolen. Cloths, shoes, everyday stuff. Walking around in the middle of the night stealing out of peoples cars, garages, and anything we could get into to try and sell for more meth. I lost my job, my family, my friends and everything I had ever had. In 2009 a year and a half later I had lost 110 pounds. He left and I had no sources to get my fix. I started drinking massive and moved in with my best friend that was talking to me again. She said I was out if she found out I got high. I met people at the bar but my friend never knew I was high ever. The day she did, she kicked me out. I had lost my best friend once again. A month later I got a job. I had been clean for 30 days for the first time and was living back with my mother. I stayed at this job for the past 6 years, have a 4 year old little boy, have been with his dad over six years and am getting ready to graduate college. A couple months ago that old best friend came back into my life. She was now a dealer. I started smoking it again. Then I watched her shoot up. Shattered my heart completely. Today, I know those commercials are real. Everything is true. But, when your actively using its not real. You can't see reality. She is out of my life and I will never let meth take over me again! I am a survivor!