Speak Up

I tried meth about 5 years ago to lose weight i used to hear people talk about how they lost so much weight by smoking meth so i asked my boyfriend who was a former user to get me some so i could try it and from the first time i tried it until the last time i used, i lost everything . I gavie my 3 wonderful children away to their grandparents i lost my job my house my self respect and all my morals. I tried to quit i went to treatment 3 times was hospitalized for overdosing 3 times i even tried a 90 day sober living facility got my children back and a few months later started using again and the cycle repeated itself i gave my kids back to their grandparents and lost everything again and By this time my boyfriend had joined me in using and we fought all the time i was abused very badly by him almost daily. I was out of money and had no place to live so i started selling meth just to keep feeding my addiction and for a place to stay i knew in my mind that this wasnt what i wanted out of life but everytime i tried to quit i couldnt seem to stay clean longer then a few days. I sold meth for about 3 months and in that 3 months i was busted by police 2 times with drugs on me and for selling to an informant even after all this i couldnt quit i kept thinking to myself when will this nightmare be over. My using became worse after i was arrested for the 2nd time, i couldnt seem to get high anymore by smoking it so i started shooting up as soon as i did this the first time i couldnt stop i was shooting up a large amount about 6 times a day i couldnt leave the apartment i couldnt keep consistent visits with my kids so the courts took action after i was busted again in a hotel room with a dirty pipe and an empty baggie, i knew now i was facing prison time and the thought of having my kids adopted out was enough to make me stop i had had enough, enough selling enough self destruction enough time away from my kids enough abuse and enough mug shots in the local paper. I had just had enough and i knew i had to fight like hell to stay out of prison and to keep my kids. As my trial for my children went on i was also in court on charges for selling in 2 different counties i was scared no doubt about that but i had to stay clean so i went to meetings everyday i left my boyfriend, who by the way was on his way to prison for strangulation charges for choking me in one of our fights and the police were called by one of the neighbors, so i knew if i got rid of all the people i hung out with,stopped selling,stopped using and focused on myself and getting my kids back i wouldnt have time to even think about using anymore. This time i was right i changed everything i stayed clean kept my schedule with my kids volunteeree at a local non profit that helped people in need or who needed help with finding resources to leave bad situations. I was feeling good about myself i still had court to deal with but i knew if i stayed clean it would all be fine. I became manager of this non profit organization i got visitation rights with my kids and i only got 3 years on dept. Of corrections probation instead of prison. About 3 months after i got clean i met a wonderful man that is today my busband iam fighting the grandparents for full custody back of my kids and ive been clean now for over a year i moved from the town i was in to a house on a lake in another town not far from my kids and im loving life each and everyday. I fight my addiction everyday as well but as time goes on it gets easier and easier. About 2 months ago i lost a very good friend to addiction and seeing him in that coffin was too much for me to handle i thought about using to make the pain go away but i stopped myself by replaying the last few years in my head and i knew i didnt want to hit rock bottom ever again. Im telling my story because i want addicts like me to know there is hope and that you dont have to hit your rock bottom before you figure out drugs will ruin your life. Keep your faith.